Quiplash (series)/List of Prompts (2024)

This is a list of prompts used in the Quiplash series, alongside trigger words and responses in some of the games.

Starting from Quiplash, if a certain word or phrase is said, Schmitty will have something to say about it (this doesn't apply to all prompts).

PromptTrigger word(s)Schmitty's responseIncluded inA bad campaign slogan for a congresspersonDon't Vote for Me"Don't Vote for Me! That would be a horrible slogan. Unless they were using reverse psychology, then it's brilliant!"A bad first line for your presidential inauguration speechHail Satan"Yeah, I'd imagine America is is still quite a ways away from it's first openly satanist president. uh, second, if you count Taft."A bad thing to say to a cop as he writes you a speeding ticketOink"That's true, cops hate pig noises. It reminds them that despite being smarter than dogs, many pigs are treated cruelly by the meat industry. That's not the whole reason but..."A completely wrong way to spell "Jennifer Aniston"Jennifer Aniston"Did you not understand what we were asking? Or you did, and you just couldn't bring yourself to do it? What are you, some kind of video game perfectionist? Lighten up!"A fun thing to do with a bowl of puddingPour it down your pants"Pudding pants? You bet! It will change your life."A fun thing to think about during mediocre sexGame of Thrones"Just be careful not to yell out 'Winter is coming!'"A good fake name to use when checking into a hotel
  • Danny Torrance
  • Jack Torrance
A good place to hide boogersIn your butt"Boogie in your butt? What are you, Eddie Murphy?"A good sign that your house is hauntedBleeding walls"Honestly, I'd take the color of bleeding walls over eggshell white any day."A good way to get firedGo to work naked"You know what? You should only go to work naked if you're a stripper, or the host of a video game. You heard me."A great name to have on a fake I.D.Cookie Masterson"Yeah, Cookie Masterson sounds like a convincingly real name to me, not made up at all."A great new invention that starts with "Automatic"Automatic Buttscratcher"Have you gotten so lazy that you won't spend the energy to scratch your own butt? Me too! Welcome to the club."A great opening line to start a conversation with a stranger at a partyI see dead people"Well, at least by saying 'I see dead people', you let people know that they'll be suffering through a night of references from 2001. 'Psychedelic baby, yeah!' "A name for a brand of designer adult diapersAbercrombie and SQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (1)s"I wanna buy Abercrombie and SQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (2)s, but the shirtless mall model in diapers intimidates me."A not-very-scary name for a pirateJohnny Depp"Yep, I'd have to agree. Johnny Depp would be a terrible pirate name. But he's still my favorite character created by Tim Burton"A prank the Supreme Court Justices probably play on each otherGoing nude under their robes"Yeah, but you know when Judge Scalia goes pants-less, it's not really so much a prank, it's just really hard to find Scalia-sized pants."A rejected crayon colorPee yellow"Pee yellow? Yep, pee yellow would be a very sick color. Pee clear, that would be a healthy color."A rejected name for a ship in the U.S. Naval Fleet: the USS _SS"The USS SS! Okay, I'm not gonna touch that one. I'll know."A terrible name for a 1930s gangsterGirly"The name's Girly, see? I came here for one thing and one thing only? I forgot my dollies! I need to grab my dollies and I'll be on my way."A terrifying fortune cookie fortuneI'm right behind you"You know what's even scarier? I'm right behind you, in bed!"A Tweet from a cavemanMammoth taste good"Mmm... Mammoth am good, sabretooth bad."A tourist attraction in HellHitler's house"Wow, you actually typed Hitler? Huh, I did Nazi that coming!"An angry review you'd give this game (Quiplash).Worse than Word Spud"Ugh, dammit! Always being measured against the yard stick that is Word Spud!"An item on every pervert's grocery listMayonnaise"Ew, I don't want to know what the mayonnaise is for. I don't."Come up with a title for an adult version of any classic video gameThe Legend of Zelda's Ass"The Legend of Zelda's Ass, in which you go on a long journey, only to discover that the treasure trunk is filled with junk."Come up with the name of a country that doesn't existCanada"I knew it had to be fake! No real country would wear that many jean jackets!"Fun thing to do if locked in the mall overnightPee in the fountain"Do not pee in the fountain. I put my hand in there to steal the quarters."Graffiti you might find in a kindergartenNaps suck"Naps suck! Yeah, with you kids, screw naps!"If animals took over, an exhibit you'd see at the human zooHipster exhibit"Oh look, kids, that one's walking over to the tiny Starbucks right now!"If God has a sense of humor, he welcomes people to heaven by saying, _
  • We're full
  • No vacancy
  • There's no room left
"And knowing God, he'd tell you that heaven is full, and then make you stand behind like a velvet rope with all the other people trying to get in."Jesus's REAL last wordsOuch"Ouch! Yeah, I totally agree with that interpretation of the description. 'Ouch' is just downplayed because it doesn't make an inspirational sign to hold up at sporting events."Little-known fact: The government allows peanut butter to contain up to 10% _
  • Rat poop
  • Rat sQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (3)
"Yep, there's probably rat sQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (4) in peanut butter. But if you get the chunky kind, ya never really notice it."Name a new movie starring a talking goat who is president of the United StatesGOTUSName a TV drama about a vampire doctor.Monster Mash"Monster Mash, where every week, our hero faces a familiar dilemma of sleeping with the beautiful werewolf doctor, or the even more beautiful mummy nurse."Name the sequel to Titanic if there were one. Titanic 2: _Cruise Control"Aha, yeah, like anybody would be dumb enough to actually name a boat movie 'Cruise Control!'"Name your new haircutting establishmentScissor Me Timbers"Scissor Me Timbers, guaranteed to give you the best pirate haircut, or double your doubloons back!"One place a finger shouldn't goPeehole"'Peehole', why did you have to say 'peehole'? It"s hurting me just thinking about it. 'Peehole'."One thing never to do on a first dateDie"Yeah, you know what? Try to save the dying for like the third date or so. You know at least until after you've gotten to second base."Ozzy Osbourne's Twitter password, probablyBatheads"Yeah, but sometimes he's gotta stretch it out for maximum security, and he uses 'Ohmygodiateabatheadonce69'."Pants would be a whole lot better if they _.Didn't exist"A world without pants? Think of all the bare butts touching seats. Bleegh, I don't think you thought this through."People wouldn't respect He-Man as much if, to gain his power, he held up his sword and shouted _.I peed my pants"Eww, could you imagine if he did pee his pants? It'd be that weird fur underwear he wears, dripping in urine. Oh."Really awful cheerleaders would yell "_"!Something you can only do in a Walmart if no one's lookingScooter races"I gotta be honest, scooter races are so much fun in Walmart. Just be aware of the turn-around in Camping Goods, it's a sharp one."Something you probably shouldn't bring on a trip to the Sahara desertSpace heater"No kidding a space heater; There's no outlets! Where are you gonna plug in a space heater?"Something you shouldn't wear to a job interviewWifebeater"Especially if it's a wifebeater without a tie."Something you’d be surprised to see a donkey doBase GameThe best thing about living in an iglooBeer always cold"It's true! The beer is always cold, but you need a knife and fork to eat it."The best way to start your dayIn a pile of puppies"It would be a lot of fun to wake up with puppies on you, unless you live alone and no one has the key to your house and there were no puppies there the night before, then it might be some kind of message from the mob."The crime you would commit if you could get away with itRegicide"You would kill a monarch? This is supposed to be a fun game and you start talking about killing royalty? What the hell?"The first commandment in the new religion you startedNo pants"Oh how I would love a no pants religion. My thighs are just aching to see the world."The last person you'd consider inviting to your birthday partyJesus"Jesus? Are you kidding? Jesus could turn water into wine, what aren't you understanding about this?"The most awesome Guinness World Record to break
  • World's Largest Dick
  • World's Largest Penis
"Well, we've definitely located the biggest dick."The name of a clothing store for overweight leprechaunsFatty Patty's"Fatty Patty's, the place for leprechauns who can't lay off the Shamrock Shakes."The name of a font nobody would ever useComic Sans"Good ol' Comic Sans, that's right. Comic Sans should only be used for office signs in the kitchen."The sound a tree actually makes when it falls and no one is around to hear itFart"That's right, and tree farts are the worst! They're a mixture of rotten eggs and syrup."The world's most boring video gameQuiplash"This game, really? You know what? FQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (5) you! FQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (6) you, fQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (7) your mother, fQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (8) your father, if you even have a fQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (9)ing mother and father, you know how hard we work on this fQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (10)ing game? Piece of sQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (11)! You don't even know. You have no fQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (12)ing idea, 'Oh, this game, Quiplash, it's boring!' FQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (13) you! What are you doing playing here, then? And you wanna know what else? It isn't even fQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (14)ing original, somebody else answered the same Quiplash (series)/List of Prompts (15) damn thing yesterday. Ungrateful piece of sQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (16). Alright, let's keep going!"The worst breakfast cereal: _ FlakesQuip Pack 1The worst Halloween costume for a young childKim Jong-un"That's right. Unless of course they live in North Korea, then it's not only the perfect Halloween costume, it's also mandatory."The worst name for a funeral homeCoffins R Us"Coffins R Us, where a corpse can be a corpse!"The worst name for a rap artistEminem"Eminem?! You find me someone who raps better about his mother's spaghetti!"The worst name for a robotChappie"Chappie?! Why- Who the hell would name a robot such a stupid name? That was a real movie?"The worst style pizza is _-style pizzaNew York"Oh no, what did you do? (Somebody bad mouthing New York in here?) Nope, now we are all good in here! We're- everything's fine, just move on, go on! That was close."The worst words to say for the opening of a eulogy at a funeralHe was an asshole"Yeah, calling them an Quiplash (series)/List of Prompts (17)hole is probably a better way to close."There's Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, and Hufflepuff, but what's the Hogwarts house few have ever heard of?Suckandpuff"Suckandpuff? You may be thinking of the Hogwarts fraternity."Thing you'd be most surprised to have a dentist find in your mouthHis dick"Oh, that's real, real, nice. Yep, that's totally sexist. You could just as easily find a dentist's vagina in your mouth. Oh, that's nice, that's very pleasant. You kiss your dentist with that mouth?"What a dog sext might sayWanna bone"'Wanna bone?' Oh, you bet, and like most men, dogs can barely remember where they buried their bone before."What kittens would say if they could talkMurder"Kittens, always thinking about murder."What to say to get out of jury dutyI'm Batman"Exactly! You tell a judge you're Batman and they respond with 'Gotham needs you, get outta here'."What you'd guess is an unadvertised ingredient in most hot dogsOrphans"Orphans? That makes sense. But remember, according to the food pyramid, you should only have one to two servings of orphans per day."Where do babies come from?Krypton"Well one baby came from Krypton. You know, what's-his-face, Larry King."

In Quiplash 2, some prompts can be disabled with the family friendly toggle.

PromptXTrigger word(s)Schmitty's responseA brand of cereal for serial killersnoA bumper sticker a nudist would haveyesA new, exciting rule for Monopoly: pass Go and collect ______noA rejected name for a Crayola colornoA rejected title in the Magic School Bus series: The Magic School Bus Goes To ______noA time you should absolutely not wear whitenoA sign that your dog is an idiotnoA sign you may be in a cultnoA weird surgery that starts with "Laser"noA weird thing for a baseball umpire to lean down and say to a catchernoBagels should change their name to ______noSomething a friendly heckler would yell at a comedy shownoThe Eiffel Tower would be a lot cooler if it had ______noThe most embarrassing thing that could happen at promnoThe name of a bar with no bathroomsnoThe nickname Hitler gave to his moustache, probablyyesLittle FurerUhh, actually, Little Furer was probably his nickname for something else...The only thing you can remember from inside the wombyesThe dumbest use of science would be to clone a ______noA line you'd see on the Wolf Man's dating profileMust love dogsHey, at least he's house-broken. Mostly.The greatest part about having lots and lots of back hairnoThe worst thing to hear from your spouse: "I'm leaving you for ______"noThe worst vehicle to drag race innoWhat are mannequins always thinking?noWhat keeps Adam Sandler making moviesnoWhat word should never be followed by an exclamation mark?noWhat's that blue liquid in Magic 8 balls?noWhat Victoria's Secret models probably do right after a fashion shownoWhat should be dumped on the losing coach at the end of a football gamenourineHey, football's not a watersport.An odd sequel to the children's book, The Giving TreeyesThe Taking TreePersonally, I like a tree that takes what he wants. There's nothing more attractive than confidence. I'm sorry, what were we talking about?The only way out of Mississippi is to ______DieActually, if you die in Mississippi, you're both dead, and in Mississippi.Forget hamster balls, modern hamsters get around in hamster ______no
  • hoverboards
  • hover balls
Yep, and with all that hovering, they don't even get any exercise! This is the Hamster Segway all over again.What a lazy cowboy names his horsenoHorseCoincidentally, Horse is what a lazy Quiplash player would type.The worst time to tell someone you want a divorce is in the middle of ______
  • sex
  • intercourse
Actually, nothing you say during sex will hold up in court. At least, that's what the lawyer I'm sleeping with told me.The name of a singles bar for piratesBooty BarBooty Bar? Huh, looks like you just parroted the most common answer to this prompt! Get it? Parroted?

(a buzzer sounds)Oops. I just parroted the most common response to your response.

The most pointless volunteer work would be helping the ______
  • rich
  • 1%
Okay, fine, don't help the rich. But don't go crying to them when you need a name for your new museum wing.How do you seduce a bear?carefullyA careful seduction. Reminds me of the books my mom used to keep by the bathtub.The first thing Pinocchio did after becoming a real boymasturbateOh sure, now that his wood is gone.The name of a disease that makes you look like a MinionMiniongitisMiniongitis, yes. Sadly, miniongitis is incurable. You should always seek out a second op-minion.The biggest problem with the last Star Wars movieNo JarJarAww, don't worry sport. Jar Jar went to live on a special farm, where he can run and play with all the other world's worst ideas.What Johnny Depp would probably bring to your partyJohnny DipMmmm, Johnny Dip. Just dip your Johnny in the dip and... Oh wait, you mean... the dip is from Johnny. Oh, that's even worse!Who's the boss?MonaYou know, there are no right or wrong answers in Quiplash, except for this one. Mona was the boss.The nickname Van Gogh gave his remaining earRightyRighty? Yeah, Van Gogh wasn't really known for being a very creative person, was he?The only bad word that can follow "bacon"shortageOh please, don't even joke about a bacon shortage! I'm still reeling from the maple glaze price fixing scandal of 2003.A good use for an abandoned mall
  • zombie apocalypse
  • zombie hideout
But if the mall's abandoned, how are the zombies going to get their pink berry?A sign you got a bad nose jobyour nose is goneYou know, I had a cousin with no nose! And then you're supposed to say "How did he smell?" and I would say "Terrible!" (laughs) Okay, let's move on.Elections would be a whole lot better if instead of debates, we made the candidates ______wrestleAbsolutely! Wrestling would be awesome! Forget about taxes and world peace! I refuse to vote for anyone who can't get out of a figure-four leglock!A FAQ question on www.beets.comWhat are beets?I'm sorry, but if you don't even know what a beet is, you're not ready for the mind-blowing info on beets.com.
Click "Expand"
  • A.P.C.
  • H.N.G.
  • T.F.J.
  • R.M.C.
  • F.G.O.
  • P.P.P.
  • S.W.D.
  • G.D.W.
  • C.A.L.
  • U.B.M.
  • R.D.S.
  • W.H.F.
  • B.O.P.
  • N.J.C.
  • D.Y.S.
  • B.B.L.
  • U.H.I.
  • S.K.E.
  • O.P.F.
  • M.E.M.
  • G.S.D.
  • K.P.L.
  • Q.C.B.
  • S.H.N.
  • D.P.D.
  • W.A.W.
  • J.M.T.
  • K.L.C.
  • R.T.O.
  • G.O.R.
  • L.M.N.
  • S.S.Q.
  • U.A.D.
  • T.T.T.
  • G.P.G.
  • F.D.T.
  • E.G.D.
  • W.W.W.
  • R.O.K.
  • P.I.L.
  • P.O.G.
  • B.W.P.
  • Y.O.P.
  • P.L.P.
  • L.I.O.
  • R.R.O.
  • E.K.O.
  • C.F.F.
  • L.D.R.
  • S.F.F.
Click "Expand"
  • Come up with a new hilarious sitcom with this word in the title:
  • Come up with a new TV show with this word in the title:
  • Come up with a hit song with this word in the title:
  • Come up with a romantic comedy film with this word in the title:
  • Come up with a classic novel with this word in the title:
  • Come up with a new sport with this word in its name:
  • Come up with an award-winning movie with this word in its title:
  • Come up with a shocking newspaper headline with this word in its title:
  • Come up with a new cartoon character with this word in his name:
  • Come up with a hot new Broadway musical with this word in its name:
  • Come up with a fast food restaurant with this word in its name:
  • Come up with a hit new video game with this word in its title:
  • Come up with a music group with this word in their name:
  • Come up with a clever insult using this word:
  • Come up with a flashy wrestling move with this word in its name:
  • Come up with a new snack food with this word in its name:
  • Come up with a hot new website with this word in its name:
Click "Expand"
  • PORK
  • MULE
  • PANTS
  • TAINT
  • DUMP
  • PUMP
  • LICK
  • DUCK
  • WART
  • NUN
  • SACK
  • BEARD
  • BALLS
  • OINK
  • NUT
  • CORN
  • BUNS
  • TROUT
  • TWERK
  • BUMP
  • CLOWN
  • APE
  • FLOP
  • SCREW
  • TUB
  • CHEEK
  • SCAB
  • SQUEEZE
  • PUKE
  • FUDGE
  • BREAD
  • FORK
  • KILL
  • GREASE
  • GAS
  • ZIT
  • WIG
  • SQUID
  • HONK
  • CHUNK
  • SQUIRT
  • DORK
  • TOOTH
  • MOIST
  • SPANK
  • ITCH
  • SLIME

In Quiplash 3, each prompt has at least 2 safety quips for a specific prompt, unlike Quiplash 2. There's also US and family friendly (X) toggles for the prompts.

PromptSafety QuipsUSXTrigger word(s)Schmitty's responseHonestly, you can never have too many <BLANK>
  • beepers
  • frenemies
  • reasons to stay inside
nonoYou know a restaurant is bad when the waiter says “<BLANK>”
  • Shhhh... only get the house salad
  • Would you like to hear my mixtape?
  • Run. RUN!!!!!
nonoThat horror movie was so scary until the killer turned out to be <BLANK>
  • society
  • a slippery banana peel
  • a very average horse
nonoWhat would you call your ANTI-social network?
  • Macebook
  • Instaham
  • UnlinkedIn
nonoAn old-fashioned curse word that nobody uses anymore
  • Ham-tootin'
  • Flibbertigibbet
  • Cod-dangit
nonoWhat’s the worst thing to wear when running a marathon?
  • a cozy caftan
  • sandpaper shorts
  • a frown
nonoYour fish are bored! You should put a <BLANK> in their tank to amuse them.
  • tiny stand-up comedian
  • Nintendo 64
  • \"Chicken Soup for the Soul\" book
nonoIn this house, “Grandma” and “Grandpa” are known as <BLANK>
  • the enemy
  • Gim-Gammy and Paul
  • Dr. and Mrs. Charleston
nono“Pokémon Trainer” is a much nobler job title than “Pokémon <BLANK>”
  • gambler
  • incinerator
  • life coach
nonoArchaeologists won’t admit they’ve discovered cave paintings of <BLANK>
  • the first hoagie
  • mindless small talk
  • our ugliest ancestor
nonoThe secret thing cats do when we’re not looking
  • Invest in bonds
  • Something interesting for once
  • Make scrambled eggs
nonoA good sign that you’re a terrible farmer
  • silos filled with jelly beans
  • wear a three-piece suit on the tractor
  • can't spit fer nuthin'
nonoIf your childhood toys came to life, they would probably say “<BLANK>”
  • You're disgusting
  • I thought what we had was special
  • Why did you wet the bed so much?
nonoThe worst restaurant: <BLANK> Hut
  • Butter
  • Loose Kale
  • No Handwashing
nonoWhat skin tags probably taste like
  • niblets of corn
  • crab meat
  • candy canes
nonoChicken"Oh god, bluh, that is disgusting! Everybody knows that they taste like cheese puffs!"What your mom thinks the word “yeet” means
  • young feet
  • fake meat
  • what little lambs say
yesnoYou know it’s a party when someone shows up with <BLANK>
  • emotional baggage
  • lukewarm dip
  • loose firecrackers
nonoYou know the lottery scratch-off ticket won’t pay out much when the goal is to get three <BLANK>
  • cigarette butts
  • socks with holes in them
  • cherry pits
noyesA surprising new use for kale
  • Wound dressing
  • Decoupage
  • Jet fuel
nonoBelieve it or not, kids are going crazy over these <BLANK> trading cards
  • Pro-Capitalism
  • Blank
  • Math!
nonoA name for a music festival your mother would approve of
  • Easy Listening Fest
  • Hot Meal-a-palooza
  • Home by Eleven
nonoWhat defeats rock, paper AND scissors?
  • hook 'em horns
  • the human heart
  • a military-issue flash grenade
nono
  • Fart
  • Farts
"Yeah. Obviously. Fart covers rock, it warps paper, and it makes scissors rusty. Boom, there it is."Along with tall, grande and venti, Starbucks should add a new coffee size: <BLANK>
  • Chonky
  • Hypertensionetti
  • Bucket
nonoThe nicest compliment you can give to a snake
  • You're looking especially scaly today
  • That's the widest jaw I've ever seen
  • Hey baby, shake that rattle for me
nonoUnder a full moon, a small number of people turn into <BLANK>
  • real jerks
  • whatwolves
  • their younger selves
nonoWhat the US president counts at night instead of sheep
  • Barrels of oil
  • selfies
  • Press Secretaries
yesnoA rejected slogan for milknonoThere’s nothing sexier than a tall, beefy boy who knows how to <BLANK>
  • build his own gaming PC
  • be emotionally available
  • pull off overalls
noyesWhat’s at the core of the planet named after you?
  • Nachos
  • Chronic anxiety
  • The stuff Pringles are made of
nonoName of an award show that celebrates the most mediocre movies of the year
  • The Decents
  • The "Meh"mmies
nonoRelationship rules: Never go to bed angry and never wake up <BLANK>
  • a werewolf
  • your dog
  • in a second location
nonoHe’s just not that into you... because he’s into <BLANK>
  • Beyblades
  • perfecting his sourdough starter
  • stamp collecting
nonoHard to believe but Madame Tussauds now has a wax statue of <BLANK>
  • the inventor of Poo-Pourri
  • you, the viewer at home
  • your future husband
nonoThe worst words to end a scary story
  • the killer was let out early on good behavior
  • Turns out the real monster was society
  • Thank you for reading my cover letter
nonoThe absolute dumbest question to pose in Yahoo! Answers
  • what do I feel like eating?
  • what's my favorite color?
  • why does the sun keep rising?
nonoA good use for all your old CDs
  • obnoxious earrings
  • enjoying the hits of the '90s
  • radical coasters
nonoThe worst breakup line: “It’s not you, it’s <BLANK>”
  • my hotter friend
  • my raised standards
  • ...actually it definitely is you
nonoIt would be terrifying to have a painting of <BLANK> above your bed
  • Count Dooku
  • Mr. Peanut
  • your dead pet
nonoA cool nickname for your bowel movements
  • The Pain Train
  • Farty Friends
  • The Stinky Boyz
noyesA sure sign you are trapped in a horrible nightmare
  • teeth keep falling out
  • keep losing ability to fly
  • you're sharing your bed with a wolverine
nonoFirst, she asked for legs, then the Little Mermaid asked for <BLANK>
  • peep toe wedges
  • an annulment
  • a sequel
nonoWhat every woman is hiding under her bangs
  • an all-seeing third eye
  • smaller, worse bangs
  • a tiny Bugs Bunny tattoo
nonoThe generational nickname for babies born ten years from now
  • Baby Gloomers
  • Gen Why
  • Willenials
nonoA cute nickname for your butt
  • my lower shoulders
  • portable seat cushion
  • Butty Booty Butt Butt
nonoA comment that has NEVER been made on the internet
  • I agree with everything in this post
  • I'm happy to be proven wrong!
  • I don't have an opinion.
nonoA terrible new name to get from the Witness Protection Program
  • Garth Vadar
  • Tabitha Hinkledorp
  • Barry S. Runningfromthemafia
yesnoThis year’s LEAST popular kids’ toy is: “The <BLANK>”
  • Existential Dread
  • Stock Market
  • Plain block of wood
nonoYou know your date is a slob when you find <BLANK> in the middle of their living room
  • a fresh turd
  • cans of tuna fish
nonoThe most erotic amusement park ride is called the <BLANK>
  • The Tunnel of Making Love
  • The Merry-Go-Down
  • The Scrambler
noyesThe name of Snow White’s millennial eighth dwarf
  • Techy
  • Emoji
  • Bodhi
yesno“Haste makes <BLANK>”
  • a terrible casserole
  • falling down stairs more possible
  • for a bad hair day
nonoIf you could fart to the melody of one song, it would be <BLANK>
  • Say My Name
  • Every Breath You Take
  • Gangnam Style
nonoWhat Cookie Monster snacks on when nobody’s looking
  • kale chips
  • celery
  • carrots
nonoA better name for the TV show Friends
  • White People Problems
  • Codependent Relationships
  • Two Nice Apartments
nonoSomething the Pope might sell on Home Shopping Network
  • Jesus-shaped waffle iron
  • "Miracle" hair growth oil
  • Vatican timeshares
yesnoThe only SAFE sex is <BLANK>
  • holding hands
  • between two health inspectors
  • ear play
noyesA great way to stand out at comic book conventions is to dress like <BLANK>
  • a food court counter with no lines
  • a normal person, for once
  • someone about to get kicked out for nudity
nonoIn the lamest campfire tale, the young couple is terrorized by <BLANK>
  • their mother-in-laws
  • student loan debt
nonoStill-life paintings would be more interesting if they were bowls of <BLANK>
  • fancy bugs
  • caramels
  • treasure maps
nonoA fun nickname for the worst kid on a sports team
  • MVP
  • Johnny Bad Feet
  • Flip Flop
nonoThe show must go on! Unless there is <BLANK> in the audience.
  • candy
  • a horse
  • too much gas
nonoThe worst thing to be inscribed on a welcome mat
  • Our Home Is Legally Your Home
  • Hello forever!
  • Please take off your feet
nonoAn adorable name for sideburns
  • cheek shingles
  • hair squares
  • facial swatch
nonoOne-Star Hotel Review: “Terrible mattress, no towels and <BLANK>”
  • tub was stolen
  • big hole in wall where door should be
  • had to share bed with bellhop
nonoThe best name for a mom gang
  • Heck's Angels
  • The Mighty Karens
  • The Bottle Brigade
nonoCasinos hate it when you walk up to the blackjack table and yell: “<BLANK>!”
  • Hole in one!
  • I know game theory!
  • Elvis is alive!
noyes“A good man is hard to <BLANK>”
  • buy socks for
  • fold into quarters
  • locate in a crowded theater
nonoA great sport that never caught on: <BLANK> on ice skates
  • logrolling
  • trampoline
nonoThe one thing you should never slather mayonnaise on
  • armpits
  • roadkill
  • an infected wound
nonoThe worst pattern for a women's dress print
  • blobfish
  • sticks of dynamite
  • pots and pans
nono“The meek shall inherit <BLANK>”
  • a set of encyclopedias
  • a course on public speaking
  • their uncle's stamp collection
nonoA scrapbook nobody wants to see would be devoted to <BLANK>
  • ceramic clown masks
  • sewer rats
  • photos of total darkness
nonoThe worst thing to use as confetti
  • BEES!
  • a million paperclips
  • the deed to the ranch
nonoGruesome! Instead of prickles, there’s a cactus that protects itself with <BLANK>
  • boneless chicken wings
  • smaller cacti
  • pus
nonoA terrible model name for a self-driving car
  • Cliffdiver
  • Wanderer
  • Rammer
nonoDear Science, stop already! We know enough about <BLANK>!
  • the empty void of space
  • unlikely animal friendships
  • male pattern baldness
nonoA more respectable way of saying “junk in the trunk” is <BLANK>
  • knick-knacks in the back
  • fine behind
  • less blunt than the front
yesnoThe best name for a rideshare company to stand out from competitors
  • Silent Ride
  • Clown Cars Unlimited
  • Cars with Wings
nonoYour last thought before passing into the afterlife
  • baba booey
  • I wish I had gotten into more internet fights
  • Hope God is hot
nonoThe dish that gets you uninvited from future potlucks
  • Loose handfuls of chili
  • Edible-ish silica packets
  • Haggis for a crowd
nonoYou know it’s bad when your mom says, “I’m not mad, I’m <BLANK>”
  • full of rage
  • leaving
  • past feeling emotions
nonoA pickup line you might say to someone at the library
  • May I feel your spine?
  • You know, Dewy Decimal was my father.
  • My love for you is no fiction
nonoIt’s a bold choice to send someone a bouquet of <BLANK>
  • Pringles
  • Loose grapes
  • snakes
nonoThe worst thing to yell from a clothing store dressing room
  • My water broke!
  • I hope you didn't want this one back.
  • What a buffet for me, the Jeans Eater!
nonoMother called you a “toddler tyrant” when you <BLANK>
  • made the class swear fealty to your kingdom
  • conducted regular toy executions
  • violated the Geneva Conventions
nonoHate Valentine’s Day? There’s a new holiday called <BLANK>
  • Basement Gaming Day
  • Lonely Dive Bar Day
  • Single 'n Loving It Day
nonoThe name of an appointment scheduling app nobody downloads
  • Maybe Later
  • Punk-tual
  • Only Wednesdays
nonoFamily secret! Grandma keeps her cash in <BLANK>
  • other people's bank accounts
  • her motorcycle
  • visible
nonoName for a wacky sitcom about ancient philosophers
  • That's Our Plato!
  • Three Men and a Theorem
  • Greek's Company
nonoWhat used to have wings before God took away its power of flight?
  • electric guitars
  • hot sauce
  • the snapping turtle
nonoThe name of the tamest action movie ever made
  • The Slow and the Serene
  • Rambo's Porch Swing
  • Spider-Man Quarantined at Home
nono“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, <BLANK>”
  • hoo boy, I'm not doing too good, huh
  • I'll see you in COURT
  • I love being fooled! Hooray!
nonoThe best name for a gamers-only utopia
  • Stardew Valley
  • Nintendoland
  • World of Warcraft
nonoA nickname for a big, bushy beard
  • chin topiary
  • Sully from Monsters Inc
  • Teddy Beard
nonoA pretty compelling reason to stop wiping your butt
  • Save the trees
  • Insurance for introverts
  • TP better for making mummies anyway
nonoThe weirdest video game: <BLANK> Simulator
  • interior latex paint
  • burnt toast
  • exfoliation
nonoA fairy tale that never caught on: <BLANK> and the Beast
  • The Influencer
  • The Tiger King
  • A Metaphor for Society
nonoThe next Pixar movie will be about a talking <BLANK>
  • Pixar animator asking for time off
  • bottle of massage oil
  • laundry basket
nonoA contestant’s job title you would NOT be surprised to see on The Bachelor
  • Fun Enthusiast
  • Animal Protector
  • Gift Wrap Specialist
yesnoThe name of a substitute teacher no student would mess with
  • Mr. Roadkill
  • Dean Destroya
  • Mrs. Decepticon
nonoWhatever you do, do NOT put sriracha on <BLANK>
  • your eyes
  • your birthday cake
  • your cousin
nonoYou know you’re super bored when you fill out the “Which <BLANK> Are You” quiz
  • pavement brick
  • patch of moss
  • roadie for A Flock of Seagulls
nonoThe strangest clickbait headline: “Hot <BLANK> Are In Your Area”
  • Toms
  • Stovetops
  • Podiatrists
nonoA truly innovative technology would be <BLANK>-canceling headphones
  • cable
  • uninteresting people
  • ear
nonoThe name of a cologne that would be a woman repellent
  • Eau De Fedora
  • Axe: Garbage Truck
  • pure corn syrup
nonoDoctors Without Borders is a much better organization than Doctors Without <BLANK>
  • Medical Degrees
  • Pants
  • Border Collies
nonoThe weirdest celebrity demand in a rider contract: The greenroom MUST have <BLANK>
  • a second, smaller greenroom
  • a way to make me feel whole again
  • the biggest hoagie you've ever seen
nonoThe most memorable category you’d ever see on Jeopardy!
  • Impotent Potables
  • Alex Trebek's Favorite Jams
  • Must Not Be Answered in Form of Question
yesnoA warning that should come with alcohol: “May Cause <BLANK>!”
  • Empty Promises
  • Disappointment
  • Unexpected late-night Amazon orders
noyesWhat unicorn meat tastes like
  • marshmallows
  • A very young elephant
  • dinosaur gummies
noyesSomething that should never be described as “juicy”
  • a corpse
  • a political campaign
  • a bunny rabbit
nonoA reminder that pops up on the Devil’s phone: “Remember to <BLANK> today!”
  • smile
  • get God's kid a b-day present
  • buy eggs, milk, brimstone
nonoA fun nickname for tampons
  • Sponge friends
  • Blood buddies
  • Menstruation reclamations
nonoThe next big hit Broadway musical is going to be about <BLANK>
  • Rent II: Mortgage Payment
  • Guys & Dolls & Cops & Cowboys
  • North Side Story
yesnoGood Idea: reusable bags. Bad Idea: reusable <BLANK>
  • lunch meat
  • breakup texts
  • toilet paper
nonoThe weirdest thing your Uber driver could offer you
  • Some actually good advice
  • The car
  • A bag of loose mice
nonoWhy do babies’ heads smell so good?
  • Delicious jelly filling
  • nature wants us to lick babies
  • Perfect seasoning in the womb
nonoWhat toddlers would buy if they had mad Ca$h
  • Respect
  • cookie ladder
  • Upgrade Onesie to a Twosie
nonoAn appropriate pickup line for church
  • Didn't I see you here last Sunday?
  • What's your confirmation name?
  • This is usually the only place I kneel
nonoWhen your Roomba is charging, what does it dream about?
  • Nothing but murder
  • Escape
  • Dating the cat
nonoWho knew police give tickets for <BLANK>?
  • not staying in your bowling lane
  • impersonating police
  • having a bad hair day
nonoSomething you should never order at a business lunch
  • sloppy joes
  • plain tap water
  • dinosaur nuggets
nonoA terrible idea for a children’s pop-up book: The Adventures of <BLANK>
  • Bob the Tapeworm
  • GWAR
  • The Man Who Will Kill Your Parents
nonoAdults should be able to go door-to-door on Halloween and get <BLANK>
  • drunk
  • away from their spouse
  • a quick massage
yesyesEveryone was sad when they saw the piñata was full of <BLANK>
  • donkey organs
  • helium
  • regret
nonoSomething that would definitely NOT taste better pickled
  • chocolate cake
  • my husband
  • bubblegum
nonoA better name for skinny-dipping
  • Funky Dunking
  • Mash 'n Splash
  • Naked Pool Time
nonoTwo words that will get a big laugh as a callback later in the game
  • Larry Seinfeld
  • hunky chunk
  • sloppy daddy
nonoIf they made a candle of your life, it would smell like <BLANK>
  • day-old Doritos
  • chronic depression
  • gamer fuel
nonoFart"For everyone's sake, I hope that it's an outdoor candle"Taco Tuesdays are so much better than <BLANK> Wednesdays
  • weeping
  • wet taco
  • welding
nonoA rejected Dr. Seuss book title: Oh, The Places You’ll <BLANK>
  • Only See in Magazines
  • Leave Shortly After Arriving
  • Need to Clean
nonoA rejected Christmas song: “Santa Claus Is Coming to <BLANK>”
  • Freak You Out
  • Bermuda
  • Get What's His!
nonoYou know your doctor is an idiot when he says, “I need ten cc’s of <BLANK> STAT!”
  • Clorox
  • good thoughts
  • bees
nonoHurrah! The United States is the world leader in <BLANK>
  • ignoring the metric system
  • King Kong attacks
  • Coca-Cola flavors
nonoA bumper sticker you’d consider displaying: “Ask Me About My <BLANK>”
  • impulsive spending habits
  • dreams
  • trunk contents
nonoWerewolves have TWO weaknesses: silver bullets and <BLANK>
  • standardized testing
  • rom-coms
  • a pint of rocky road
nonoThe dumbest petition would push for <BLANK>
  • return to 90s style cell phone ringtones
  • free breadsticks at all restaurants
  • National Online Troll Day
nonoNobody would greenlight a kid’s game show called “Where in the World is <BLANK>?”
  • the ocean
  • a lean pastrami sandwich
nonoThe sexiest dessert
  • banana splits
  • eggplant emoji a la mode
  • apple pie on occasion
nonoSomeone who looks good is a “snack,” but someone who looks REALLY GOOD is a <BLANK>
  • Reuben sandwich
  • midnight buffet
  • banana split
nonoA website just for grandpas: www.<BLANK>.com
  • khaki pants
  • judgement
  • Steely Dan
nonoThe quickest way to become the most popular kid in school
  • Two words: infinite milkshakes
  • Kidnap the prom king
nonoWhat the coolest grandparent slips into a birthday card
  • winning bingo card
  • a little extra ice cream
  • Spongebob's phone number
nonoWhat the most popular kid from your high school is probably doing right now
  • working at the car dealership
  • regretting his choices
  • his taxes
nonoSusan has such a youthful glow ever since she started washing her face with <BLANK>!
  • pancake batter
  • Young Face IPA
  • balsamic vinegar
nonoAvoid the classified post that offers “Free <BLANK> to Good Home”
  • opened jar of mayo
  • dessert
nonoCoffee shops always get names wrong. They should just hold up an order and shout “<BLANK>!”
  • Anybody!
  • Tall guy!
nonoThe best way to set the mood is to turn down the lights and turn up the <BLANK>
  • jams
  • smooches
noyesAn unlikely spokesperson for vaping
  • my great aunt
  • a cartoon cigarette
  • my yoga instructor
nonoPrison would actually be super fun if only it had <BLANK>
  • show choir
  • a roller coaster
  • weekly bake-offs
nonoThe most outrageous thing you can smuggle inside a baguette
  • a smaller baguette
  • a nest of baby snakes
  • the cursed idol
nonoA very unlikely place to meet your soulmate
  • An anti-love protest
  • At your wedding
  • family reunion
nonoThe best part about living in a sewer
  • your radical brothers and rat dad
  • delicious alligators
  • law firm adjacent
nonoAlice in Wonderland is weird, but it makes more sense than Alice in <BLANK>
  • debt
  • my living room
nonoIn the worst magic show, the magician pulls <BLANK> out of a hat
  • a nickel
  • a classified ad
  • lint
nonoSomething you’d gladly pay $45 for
  • a six pack of paper towels
  • dinner for ten people
  • the right to drive on the shoulder in rush hour
yesnoThe next big romance novel: For The Love of <BLANK>
  • Pasta
  • Tweet
  • your mother-in-law
nonoThe dumbest thing to buy in bulk
  • warm milk
  • sport utility vehicles
  • assassins
nonoSorry, we don’t have Coke or Pepsi. Is <BLANK> okay?
  • sugar in water
  • whiskey
  • lasagna
yesnoA request you’d make on your dating profile: “Must love <BLANK>”
  • being late all the time
  • cheese
  • my college roommate
noyesWho is God’s understudy?
  • God Jr.
  • a young starlet with big dreams
nonoWhat’s the worst sound to hear when shaking a Christmas present?
  • underwear sounds
  • tempting whispers
  • rattlesnake
nonoThe best response to “I know you are, but what am I!?”
  • stone cold silence
  • about to be punched
  • a speck of dust in the wind
nonoAfter juggling chainsaws, the next skill to master is <BLANK>
  • reattaching limbs
  • repairing the ceiling
  • juggling pianos
nonoCap’n Crunch’s nickname at the Naval Academy
  • Ensign Crunch
  • ol' milk 'n spoon
  • breakfast buddy
yesnoWhat’s the trick to staying up when you have to pull an all-nighter?
  • multiple roosters
  • throw bed out window
  • ice cold underwear
nonoA sure sign you are currently dating a grizzly bear
  • fur in the shower
  • claw scratches on front door
  • closet full of stolen picnic baskets
nonoThe daily special at a diner for bears
  • big fat fish
  • always salmon, always
  • 7,000 french fries
nonoThe real reason you’re not going to the party tonight
  • I'm lazy
  • kidnapped by aliens who want to harvest my hair
  • heard my ex is gonna be there
nonoThe simplest pleasure known to man
  • BBQ-ing while wearing linen shorts
  • swimming in pudding
  • adopting a dog
nonoIt is bad luck if you break a mirror, but good luck if you break <BLANK>
  • dance
  • bad
  • a one-way mirror
nonoThe worst thing to find in your belly button
  • a sustainable farm
  • coal
  • a body
nonoThe sexiest kitchen appliance
  • the submissive spoon
  • the singles mixer
  • leather oven mitt
noyesThe real reason people are afraid of the dark
  • werewolves
  • not enough light
  • no vitamin D
nonoWhat you call pants when you want everyone to think you’re fun
  • leg sleeves
  • PANTS!
  • clothing tubes
nonoOkay... just between us... which boy do you have a crush on?
  • the cute one
  • most of my science class
  • Biebs
nonoThe “forbidden meat” comes from what animal?
  • evil chickens
  • Brian
nonoWhat do boxers whisper to each other at weigh-in?
  • Is kicking allowed?
  • I'm good at punches
  • love your trunks!
nonoWhat obscure cryptid monster stalks the streets of Cleveland, Ohio?
  • Normal Foot
  • Brian
yesnoWhat shape never took off with animal crackers?
  • Endangered Chocolate Chip
  • Sloppy Pigs
  • sea anemone
yesnoThere’s a secret tax loophole that allows you to count <BLANK> as dependents
  • ideas
  • monsters under your bed
yesyesThe most surprising place to find a missing contact lens
  • in a pile of snakes
  • someone else's eye
  • the ceiling
nonoA terrible sound option to have on a white noise machine
  • yelling
  • crying in the bathroom
  • EDM
nonoNo, the house isn’t haunted. The moaning you hear at night is just <BLANK>
  • charming
  • a sea monster
  • the newlyweds next door
noyesWhat’s your reflection doing when you turn your back?
  • something creepy
  • making balloon animals
nonoThe worst thing to see through a telescope, hurtling towards Earth
  • a giant ball of used underwear
  • that alligator you flushed as a child
  • a giant nut! (I'm allergic to nuts)
nonoInstead of a siren, police could get cars to respond faster by blasting <BLANK>
  • Jimmy Buffett tunes
  • raccoon shrieks
  • "Weird Al" Yankovic
yesnoCarl, the kind cat burglar, leaves your valuables and takes your <BLANK>
  • ugly sweaters
  • leftovers about to go bad
  • trash out
nonoThe apartment lease says it’s okay to have dogs as long as they <BLANK>
  • live in a fish tank
  • are not bad dogs
  • are cats
nonoWhy do hot singles in your area want to talk to you?
  • Just chatty
  • Because I listen!
  • wrong number?
nonoDogs are so gullible they actually believe <BLANK>
  • beanie babies will gain value
  • most marketing claims
  • there's nothing inside pill pockets
nonoYou know you’re rich when you have a room just for <BLANK>
  • eating snacks
  • old cell phones
  • Tamagotchis
nonoIn a pinch, this can serve as a life raft
  • air mattress
  • a friend who owes you a favor
  • an actual boat
nono“I didn’t come here to make friends, I came here to <BLANK>”
  • make best friends
  • drink milk
  • hurt some feelings
nonoHow do you know your friends are a bunch of phonies?
  • they smell like hot plastic
  • they're mean to your mom
  • keep complimenting your muumuu
nonoSomething that should never be described as “rustic”
  • tampon
  • health care
  • set of linens
nonoThe attention-craving celebrity who appears when you say their name to a mirror five times
  • any hip hop star
  • a contestant from Love is Blind
  • that dude from SNL
nonoAn inappropriate gift to welcome someone to the neighborhood
  • old beef stew
  • fuzzy handcuffs
  • bag of dog poop
nonoForget cats and dogs. When the weather gets REALLY bad, it starts raining <BLANK>
  • hot garbage
  • half-price appetizers
  • extra dogs
nonoNothing is certain but death and taxes... oh, also <BLANK>
  • happy hour
  • climate change
  • teen angst
nonoOh no! You washed all your clothes with <BLANK> in the pockets!
  • gerbils
  • hand-written checks
  • blood
nonoA sure sign that your takes are way too hot
  • Twitter bursts into flames
  • second-degree burns
  • your mom calls you
nonoAgainst your better judgment, the thing you really want to put down the garbage disposal
  • a live chicken
  • Barbies
  • a giant foam finger
nonoA good name for a dating app for lawyers
  • objection
  • sustained relationships
  • the courting room
nonoA great name for a superhero who can communicate with cats
  • Catmandu
  • Meow Miss
  • Catcaller
nonoWhat seagulls are usually thinking
  • these idiots
  • where am I?
  • squawk squawk
nonoWhat should have happened at the end of Titanic
  • boat flies away
  • it was all a dream
  • sharks
nonoDorothy meant to say, “There’s no place like <BLANK>”
  • bone
  • the bathroom
nonoMovie reboot idea: The Devil Wears <BLANK>
  • Nike
  • a red hat
  • business casual
nonoNothing will wake you up faster than a nice, hot cup of <BLANK> in the morning
  • laxative
  • pure horse adrenaline
  • chili peppers
nonoA rejected fairy tale title: “Jack and the Giant <BLANK>”
  • Noogie
  • property tax bill
  • chicken pox
nonoA weird thing for a dentist to say while you’re in the chair
  • let's have a look at that mole
  • So I'm getting divorced. Sucks.
  • mouths are disgusting if you think about it
nonoThe worst name for an educational kids’ show
  • Pennywise's Science Minute
  • Learning Through Screams
  • Nothing but Recess!
nonoA terrible thing to discover squirrels burying in your yard
  • family albums
  • my credit cards
  • life-saving medication
nono<BLANK> much?
  • bite your nails
  • eat ramen
  • bad breath
nonoThe greatest thing in the world to Auto-Tune
  • my podcast feed
  • an extended beer belch
  • Alvin and the Chipmunks
noyesfart soundsOkay, don't say I never did anything for ya. Here goes. (auto-tunes fart sounds) You're welcome.In the dystopian future, all clothing will be made from <BLANK>
  • plastic bags
  • other people
  • sadness
nonoThe worst ringtone to play on your phone during a work meeting
  • Baby Shark
  • heavy breathing sounds
  • your audition for The Voice
nonoModern-day Mary Poppins suggests taking a spoonful of <BLANK>
  • Adderall
  • coconut oil
  • capitalism
nonoThe worst thing to say after kissing someone
  • Lasagna for lunch?
  • Just like my mom
  • Yummers
nonoGot <BLANK>?
  • pugs
  • got
  • any gum
nonoThe special skill on a resume that would make you immediately hire that person
  • psychic powers
  • secret family
  • part-time party animal
nonoInstead of whistling, an updated version of Snow White suggests you <BLANK> while you work
  • cry
  • Fortnite
  • watch YouTube
nonoA surprising thing to find caught in the spiderweb in your basement
  • money
  • grandpa
  • a rival gang of spiders
nonoA truly disgusting flavor for toothpaste
  • cat food
  • Doritos
  • mouth flavor
nono“No shirt, no shoes, no <BLANK>, no service”
  • bills smaller than a 20
  • great knock-knock jokes
  • face
nonoWith the best credit card ever, you can redeem reward points for <BLANK>
  • candy bars
  • self-esteem
  • dates with celebrities
nonoWhat a cat would do if it had human hands
  • murder you
  • ride a dog to the store, buy a fish
  • identity theft
nonoIt should be illegal to put <BLANK> in a buffet
  • cooked baby carrots
  • a dead body
  • great care and effort
nonoPoopSo, don't get me wrong, I'm no lawyer, but I believe that already is illegal.Okay wow, God just announced He is sick of hearing prayers about <BLANK>
  • your love life
  • getting into heaven - just relax!!
  • Jimmy Buffett tickets
nonoA better use for Rapunzel’s hair
  • make a nest for endangered eagles
  • whip it back and forth (dancing)
  • just braid it and make it cute
nonoThe worst thing to say instead of “I do” at your wedding
  • "somebody else does"
  • "Sure" *shrugs shoulders*
  • "Ask again later"
noyesWhat The Beach Boys called themselves before they ever saw the ocean
  • The Swamp Boys
  • The Boys
  • The Beatles
nonoLittle known fact: Guns N’ Roses used to to be called Guns N’ Roses N’ <BLANK>
  • Little Donny Smith
  • Horses
  • Bake Sales
nonoWhat social distancing is called on Antarctica
  • deep freezing
  • life on Antarctica
  • nobody likes you
nonoAn unlikely celebrity to become the next President of the United States
  • the Taco Bell dog
  • Barack Obama
  • Guy Fieri
yesnoThe most boring reality TV contest would feature competitive <BLANK>
  • watch repair
  • calligraphy
  • dry cleaning
nonoSolar and wind will be a joke once we harness the power of <BLANK>
  • cow farts
  • raw charisma
  • laundry detergent pods
nono“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it <BLANK>”
  • say "thank you for the water"
  • in show business
  • enjoy hanging out with you
nonoThe best way to describe the texture of a jellyfish
  • scary goopy
  • living booger
  • plastic bag full of poison Jell-O
nonoThe worst person to accidentally add to a group text about your love life
  • the person you're writing about
  • your old babysitter
  • your younger brother
nono
  • Mom
  • Mama
Okay, funny story. About five years ago, I was going through a... a breakup of sorts, so I texted my therapy group about it and I get this frantic message: "Josh, how many marriages can you destroy? I raised you better than that! Susan loves you! Who's going to do my manicures now?"

Long story short, Susan still does my Mom's manicures, but it's... it's uhh... it's awkward, it's very awkward. Did I say this was a funny story?

The scariest thing that could pop out of your birthday cake
  • your mom
  • one million spiders
  • student debt
nonoA good name for a camel dance troupe
  • Hump Night
  • Deserted
  • Hump it up
noyesBesides cockroaches, the one thing that will survive the apocalypse
  • the metric system
  • Volkswagens
  • spray can cheese
nonoWhat’s your mom worrying about today?
  • my future
  • a computer virus she repeatedly downloads
nonoThe name of a planet covered in corn
  • Corn-Saturn
  • Cobland
nono“If you build it they will come” applies to baseball fields and <BLANK>
  • Renaissance fairs
  • chocolate factories
yesnoWhat’s the name of the Walmart aisle where you can go cry in peace?
  • jellies, jams, and crying
  • Knitting/Yarn
nonoThe cow goes moo. The drunk cow goes <BLANK>
  • Moo-ve out of my way, Janet!
  • Let's order Domino's
  • Let's go us-tipping!
nonoUnfortunately, Curious George was the most curious about <BLANK>
  • quicksand
  • timeshares
  • laundry pods
nonoThe most popular job title in 2040
  • ditchdigger
  • robot assistant
  • oxygen deliveryman
nonoDid you know your garden hose can double as a <BLANK>!?
  • sad shower
  • toy snake
  • xxxxxxxxxxl belt
nonoA terrible Mother’s Day gift
  • jar of sweet relish
  • half-used bar of soap
yesnoDoctors say <BLANK> is not addictive, but you’re hooked!
  • ibuprofen
  • bread
  • having fun
nonoUnderstandably, no one wants to adopt Little Orphan <BLANK>
  • Old Man
  • Idiot
  • Evil Doll
nonoA deodorant scent designed by a dog
  • Urinal Cake
  • Wet
  • Blood
nonoAmerica doesn’t have a royal family. We just have <BLANK>
  • The Kardashians
  • Muppets
  • The Simpsons
nonoA lighter, more romantic sequel to Crime and Punishment would be called <BLANK>
  • When Crime Met Punishment
  • Crime, Punishment, and Gardenias
  • Giggles and Punishment
nonoInstead of Truth or Dare, kids these days play Truth or <BLANK>
  • fake news
  • consensual actions
  • Fortnite
yesnoThe worst thing to use as a straw
  • your leg
  • a taco
  • a seagull
nonoFor containers, you go to The Container Store. For sex toys, you go to <BLANK>
  • The Pleasure Emporium
  • Ye Olde Dildo Shoppe
noyesA cocktail you make for sad occasions
  • A Tom Bawl'ins
  • Warm flat beer
  • The Crying Lucinda
nonoA business word an important businessman might say, for business
  • Synergy
  • Corporatize
  • you're fired
nonoMoney can’t buy happiness, but it CAN buy <BLANK>
  • infinite puppies
  • a butler named 'Happiness'
  • a sick Jacuzzi
nonoJesus’ secret middle name
  • Holy
  • Carpenter
  • Brad
nonoA better name for comic books would be <BLANK>
  • laugh squares
  • dork bibles
  • picture friends
nonoA good name for the opposite of a silent-but-deadly fart
  • loud n' proud
  • horn time
  • Chernobyl
noyesLook, it’s all fun and games until <BLANK>
  • you have kids
  • MONDAY AMIRIGHT
  • game night is over
nonoCalifornia’s biggest export is <BLANK>
  • failed actors
  • squashed dreams
  • teeny tiny oranges
yesnoWhat’s a badass name for a badass sword?
  • The Hellcutter
  • Mr. Stabs
  • Harold Von Fearblade
nonoKids these days are skipping first base and going straight to <BLANK>
  • home plate
  • the garage
  • the sticky cave
yesyesModern pirates don’t steal treasure. They steal <BLANK>
  • stock tips
  • the silver screen
  • real estate licenses
nonoA name for a superhero who is basically just a rip-off of Batman
  • The Nighttime Boy
  • Sad Flying Man
  • No-Parents Man
nonoAfter a massive downsizing, the store unfortunately had to be renamed Bed Bath & <BLANK>
  • the outlet next door
  • your dad's house
  • some other stuff
nono<BLANK>: It’s hard work, but somebody’s gotta do it!
  • Eating the leftovers
  • Correcting people's grammar
  • Spoiling the plot of "The Sixth Sense"
nonoWhat’s the perfect hide-and-seek hiding spot?
  • next to a fog machine
  • behind a REALLY big tree
  • the Mariana Trench
yesnoHalloween would be even spookier if it were called <BLANK>
  • Only Candy Corn Day
  • Ghost-a-palooza
yesno500 years ago freckles were called <BLANK>
  • The European curse
  • cheek lint
nonoIt’s easy to walk out of a timeshare pitch... until they offer you <BLANK>
  • attention
  • free candy
nonoThere is only one person you should follow into a dark alley and that’s <BLANK>
  • anybody with snacks
  • a fireworks salesperson
nonoAustin’s new slogan should be “Keep Austin <BLANK>”
  • away from the bats
  • a little silly but mostly normal
  • underground
yesnoRemember kids: if it doesn’t have <BLANK>, it’s not anime!
  • begrudging respect between rivals
  • crying
  • extended screaming
nonoWhat secret is your left hand keeping from your right hand?
  • where the good nail clippers are
  • how to play the piano
nonoWhat do most Rorschach tests look like to you?
  • squid droppings
  • my childhood teacher's judging eyes
  • spilled soup
noyes“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into <BLANK>”
  • a bad bar
  • Pizza Hut
nonoSomething Sonic the Hedgehog should NOT be doing that fast
  • open-heart surgery
  • repairing his broken relationships
  • smooching
nonoThe most difficult hole in mini-golf is a tiny version of <BLANK>
  • my high school prom
  • Finland
yesnoMy trap is fiendishly simple, Mr. Bond! Once I pull this lever, the floor will become <BLANK>
  • ugly
  • covered in alligators
nonoThere is no “i” in team... but there is an “i” in <BLANK>
  • My team is bad
  • Tim
  • losing
nonoFirst the cat gets your tongue, then it gets your <BLANK>
  • soul
  • teeth
nonoA terrible last name if your first name is Dick
  • Dick
  • Cissel
  • Richard
noyesOk, fellas, let’s have a fair fight. No spitting, no kicking and absolutely no <BLANK>
  • falling in love
  • double dutch
  • discussion of socialism
nonoAn embarrassing person to accidentally call “Daddy”
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • your priest
nonoA blood type only found in extremely sexy people
  • XXX
  • O + MY
noyesThe worst inspirational sign to see while running a marathon
  • Try walking, loser!
  • Warning: lions around the corner
  • You could be indoors right now
nonoWeirdly enough, the NFL has agreed to let players celebrate touchdowns by <BLANK>
  • scoring more touchdowns
  • humming a lil' tune
yesnoThe federal government should have an executive Department of <BLANK>
  • Freak Outs
  • Swampland Rehabilitation!!
yesnoThe last person you’d take financial advice from
  • my father
  • my ex
  • 24 hour fortune teller
nonoA less radical band name would be Rage Against The <BLANK>
  • neighbors
  • local school board
nonoThe title of a mixtape you would make for your boss
  • The Smooth Sounds of Stapling
  • The Copies You Wanted
  • 15 Songs To Tell You I Quit
nonoA sign it’s time to wrap up your day at the beach
  • fourth-degree sunburn
  • Godzilla's on his way
  • a seagull insurrection
nonoThe coolest kid in middle school is always the one wearing <BLANK>
  • Heelys
  • the armor of the self-assured
  • head-to-toe leather
yesnoThere’s the problem! You’ve got a huge <BLANK> stuck in your sink.
  • severed hand
  • cantaloupe
nonoA bumper sticker a goose would put on its car
  • Honk if you're a fan of honking
  • Gosling on board
nonoIf you don’t have any teeth, the tooth fairy will gladly take your <BLANK>
  • credit cart
  • gums
nonoFine! If nobody is going to ask... I will! What’s that smell?
  • success
  • a delicious pie cooling on the window sill
nonoFartHow predictable. You know, Jackbox has been in the fart game for over twenty years. Our library of fart sounds is the envy of the gaming industry. Hell, there was a time we didn't think twice about catering to your juvenile whims, but we are older, and wiser now, and we know when to say (fart noise) Mwah. Thanks for listening.A good excuse for not reading your friend’s new screenplay
  • Whoopsie, I forgot how to read
  • Allergic to words
nonoHuge twist! Turns out the monster was really <BLANK> wearing a mask the whole time!
  • capitalism
  • a teddy bear
  • an ice cream sundae
nonoA good sign that Santa doesn’t give a crap about his job anymore
  • Two words: reindeer sausage
  • Started Santa Prime
  • $9.95 to be on Nice List
nonoThe best marketing slogan for your butt
  • Now mostly gas free
  • Once you pop, you can't stop
  • Got Butt?
nonoIt’s not all Bible study! On Wednesdays, the local church group is known to <BLANK>
  • write dirty limericks
  • enjoy a good buffet
nonoMichael Bay presents <BLANK>: The Musical!
  • Mark Wahlberg
  • Books
nonoRemember: Never buy a build-your-own <BLANK>
  • blacksmith forge
  • Predator
  • planet
nonoThe shrimp boat captain never worked again after accidentally catching <BLANK> in his net
  • a golden crawdad
  • some sinking billionaires
  • Matt Damon
nonoFinish the rhyme: “Roses are red, violets are blue, I got you this card, <BLANK>”
  • to break up with you
  • the bargain is complete
nonoA slightly more appetizing name for “leftovers”
  • Dinner: The Sequel
  • Microwave Friends
nonoIf a friend describes your blind date as “interesting,” it means <BLANK>
  • wacky
  • not entirely human
nonoThe DNA test proves you are not the father, but you are <BLANK>
  • a father
  • going to be soon
nonoFor a wedding to be legal in Florida, <BLANK> must be present at the ceremony
  • an alligator
  • the local biker gang
  • a Florida man
yesnoThe perfect excuse for getting out of gym class
  • I've already gone pro
  • I'm allergic to spheres
yesnoAfter her husband died, who did Mrs. Butterworth eventually end up with?
  • Mr. Worthy Butter
  • Jack Flap
yesnoThe biggest pet peeve among modern zombies
  • vegans
  • high-rise apartments
  • social media bullying
nonoSomething you shouldn’t say in a crowded elevator
  • I could use a cuddle
  • Oh great. Diarrhea again
  • Anybody mind if I practice my banjo?
yesnoThe worst thing about being really, really sexy
  • Nothing. I love it
  • Spend a fortune on bikinis
  • People keep giving you apartments
nonoThe best way to stay young forever
  • Become a vampire?
  • Never stop dancing
  • Change your name to "Turbo"
nonoSomething you might overhear in the White House
  • Didn't I just talk to Congress?
  • Wait. Kansas is real?
  • Anybody else see Chester A. Arthur's ghost?
yesnoWhat sound does a shy gun make?
  • Sorry, sorry
  • Shh, shh
nonoBook adaptations have gone too far! Now they’re making <BLANK>: On Ice!
  • The Fault in Our Stars
  • The Encyclopedia Britannica Books A-D
  • War and Peace
nonoIn the next Donkey Kong game, you’ll get to meet his distant cousin: <BLANK> Kong
  • Stockbroker
  • Spelunky
nonoThere are three types of people. You’re either a witch, a stone or a <BLANK>
  • lawn gnome
  • bottle of soup
  • iPad
nonoAn excuse for being late that will make people stop asking questions FAST
  • that smell is coming from me!
  • three words: party boat funeral
nonoWhat a misfit vampire craves more than blood
  • a good brie
  • nail clippings
  • red paint
nonoFirst was the bro hug. Now bros are doing <BLANK>
  • the knee tap
  • the skull rub
  • the butt press
nonoThe rejected last line of the national anthem: “O’er the land of the free and the home of <BLANK>”
  • the largest ball of twine
  • fake news
  • Hamilton the musical
yesnoSomething stupid a 23rd-century human might find in a time capsule from today
  • an impossible burger
  • a fidget spinner
  • selfie stick
nonoIs it just me or is <BLANK> just TOO attractive to be human?
  • my mom
  • the pizza delivery guy
nonoThe most common birthday wish is for world peace. The second most common is <BLANK>
  • no more jerks
  • for my sports team to win a lot
nonoIt isn’t called “sex” in honest relationships. It’s called “making <BLANK>”
  • one person feel good
  • the best use of our time
noyesYou’re twelve years old and you just got a blank check! What’s the first thing you’re buying?
  • water slide, duh
  • attentive parents
nonoSomeone you’d never expect to give you “the birds and the bees” talk
  • beloved character actor Stephen Root
  • a bored aunt
  • the Ghost of Christmas Past
nonoIf we named all the constellations today, one would DEFINITELY be called <BLANK>
  • The millennials
  • CassioWikipedia
nonoLook up “<BLANK>” in the dictionary and there will be a picture of <ANYPLAYER>
  • 3rd place
  • trying
nonoA terrible catchphrase for a magician
  • That's magic?
  • Science!
  • It doesn't always work!
nonoThe best name for a local news weatherperson
  • Bob Weather
  • Amy Deathstorm
  • Tony Hail
nonoA celebrity <ANYPLAYER> looks like, if you squint a little
  • Olaf from Frozen
  • Daffy Duck
  • WALL-E
nonoAnd over here are the fossils of the <BLANK>, the world’s clumsiest dinosaur!
  • Triposaurus
  • Bumbledactyl
nonoWhen I die, I want to be surrounded by family and <BLANK>
  • beloved character actors
  • an extensive cheese plate
  • protective charms
nonoIf we could just turn off gravity for an hour, it would make <BLANK> much more interesting
  • pogo sticks
  • juggling
nonoThe weirdest thing you could tell your hairdresser: “Give me the <BLANK>”
  • Captain Picard
  • hair clippings
  • yoga instructor haircut
nonoA shocking thing to discover your kids built out of LEGO
  • democracy
  • another kid
  • perfect replica of you
nonoThe hardest thing to say with a big, goofy smile
  • Ready for my bikini wax!
  • Engine number three failed!
  • Welcome to Kansas!
nonoOddly enough, the Tour de France takes a tiny detour through <BLANK>
  • a family's bathroom
  • a wormhole
  • a food court
nonoThe most convenient piece of furniture is a couch that turns into <BLANK>
  • a spouse
  • a sofa
nonoThe best way to “dress up” a pair of cargo shorts
  • burn them
  • sequins
  • fill the pockets with caviar
nonoThe leading cause of goosebumps, probably
  • Timothée Chalamet
  • soft serve in a baseball helmet
  • the news
nonoYou knew the accident involved a clown car because the road was covered in <BLANK>
  • rubber noses
  • hundreds of long footprints
  • red face paint
nonoAn architectural landmark you find weirdly... attractive
  • Great Sphinx of Giza
  • the St. Louis Arch
  • thick, long bridges
noyesThe name of a yacht that you’d think twice about getting on
  • Not Gonna Crash This One!
  • The Sailor's Damnation
nonoNobody ever checks in to that hotel room! Not since <BLANK>
  • The mule incident
  • yesterday
nono“Revenge is a dish best served <BLANK>”
  • with a side of meanness
  • at Doom temperature
nonoThe community college was doomed after it made <BLANK> its mascot
  • A feral gila monster
  • student loan debt
  • the concept of auto maintenance
yesnoSchmittyListen, punk. You ever heard of the fighting Schmittys of Lower Backwater Community College? No, you wouldn't have, but we've won our division in Tetherball five years in a row. Go ahead, look it up.If you want a bartender to hate you, just order <BLANK>
  • too loud
  • the angriest beer
nonoThe slowest draw in the West: Billy the <BLANK>
  • not-paying-attention
  • man with heavy guns
yesnoSomething that makes you go, “Ugh, fine, I’ll do it”
  • Frank from Accounting
  • babysitting your niece
nonoMy ladyship, may I introduce the most disgusting knight we have, Sir <BLANK>
  • Barfs-a-Lot
  • Galahack
nonoThe next big documentary will be about the seedy underbelly of the <BLANK> industry
  • Toblerone
  • shoelace
  • intramural ping-pong
nonoIf you’re being honest with yourself, you’ll never be brave enough to <BLANK>
  • be hot
  • kiss
nonoThe name of a clown you would not hire for your six-year-old’s birthday party
  • Sad Bad Clown
  • Medical Clown 2
nonoThe name of a summer camp for extremely shy children
  • Audience Camp
  • Speak Up!! Camp
nonoDishwashers don’t have windows! What are they hiding?
  • they sell your dishes on the black market
  • it's a party in there
nonoA gift your stepdad really tried his best on... so be nice
  • friendship bracelets
  • tix to a basketball game you'll sit in silence at
  • off-brand Hott Wheelz toys
nonoForget the labradoodle! The best dog breed combination is the <BLANK>
  • corgenweiner
  • Great Daneapoo
nonoWhen in England, remember that they <BLANK> on the other side of the road
  • weep
  • get in accidents
  • merrily skip
yesnoSomething that you didn’t need to know is gluten-free
  • human flesh
  • various small rocks
nonoIn the Republic of <ANYPLAYER>, the national anthem would be <BLANK>
  • the discography of Carly Rae Jepsen
  • The X-Files theme song
nonoThe worst thing to discover that your five-year-old is drawing
  • your face with devil horns
  • the pet pony they'll never have
  • the sun with a frowny face
nonoQuick! How do you ruin a romantic picnic!?
  • give the ants knives
  • too many grapes
nonoOMG. Seriously. Where is Waldo???
  • behind you
  • Cancun for Spring Break
  • finding himself
nonoGOOD: hard-boiled eggs. BAD: hard-boiled <BLANK>
  • opinions
  • dogs
  • cake
nonoA fact about you that would impress a four-year-old
  • I can swim
  • I have a job
nonoWhat’s the next state we should add to the US?
  • Denial
  • The Republic of Chili's Too
yesnoLook, kids, if you can’t agree on a name for that hamster, we’re just going to call it <BLANK>
  • Meatball
  • Batmanster
nonoA bribe!? Is it a bribe to give a federal judge <BLANK>?
  • a Rolex
  • a money hug
yesnoLittle-known fact! Da Vinci liked to draw a little <BLANK> somewhere in his paintings.
  • cartoon turtle
  • hint to a puzzle about Jesus
nonoIf you lived in the early 1500s, what would YOU nail to the door of a church?
  • Naruto fanfic
  • A nice picture of a flower I drew
nonoWhat’s something you should never do while wearing sandals?
  • tap dance
  • run from a bear
nonoNever get in a street fight with someone nicknamed “<BLANK>”
  • The Cheater
  • Mr. Goes Too Far
nonoThe most dramatic way to end a letter is: “P.S. <BLANK>”
  • I'm spontaneously pregnant
  • Whoopsie, fell down an elevator shaft!
  • Boo! I'm a ghost!
nonoWhat should you label your computer porn to prevent your mom from opening it?
  • "Just vegetables"
  • "pictures of skateboards"
noyesBefore marmalade, Paddington Bear had a crippling addiction to <BLANK>
  • tea
  • pajamas
  • sports betting
noyesThe one thing you should never put in a communal fridge
  • a dead body
  • loose cheese
  • your trust in humanity
nonoThe title of Herman Melville’s unpublished sequel: Moby Dick 2: <BLANK>
  • 2 Dick 2 Furious
  • More Dick
  • Oh Whale
nonoThe next hit dating reality series: Love is <BLANK>
  • Right Behind You
  • Mostly Lust
  • Not Fair
nonoHonestly, <BLANK> might as well be a curse word
  • "Honesty", am I right??
  • Flibertigibbet
  • fork
nonoName a snack food for mummies
  • Pyramints
  • Bubble tape
  • Sarcopha-gum
nonoIf Virginia is for lovers, then Alabama is for <BLANK>
  • divorces
  • feral pigs
  • mullets
yesnoThe title of a gritty sequel to Goodnight Moon
  • The Moon Is Never Coming Back
  • The Moon's Secret Family
  • Eat Lead, Moon
nonoIn MacGyver’s most awkward life-and-death moment, he only had a pocket full of <BLANK>
  • nuts
  • cassette tapes
  • dreams
yesnoDid you know that <ANYPLAYER> founded the <BLANK> Club in high school?
  • Weird Anime
  • Eating Lunch In The Bathroom
  • Sad Friends
yesnoYou can tell the wine tasting is cheap when the chardonnay has notes of <BLANK>
  • gasoline
  • tap water
  • sawdust
nonoOk, which one of you used the Xerox to make copies of <BLANK>?
  • their medical condition
  • smaller, grainier pictures
  • the janitor's face
nonoAn accurate slogan would be “The Suburbs: <BLANK>”
  • Give up on your dreams!
  • We've got chicken wings
  • It's not THAT sad.
nonoOh! The handcuffs in the bedroom? They’re not for sex! They’re for <BLANK>!
  • guests
  • my lycanthropy
noyesThe button on the microwave that never gets used
  • burnt popcorn
  • blend
  • impersonate a real oven
nonoWho’s really America’s Sweetheart?
  • You, the viewer at home.
  • Capitalism
yesnoDue to funding cuts, Broadway’s Phantom is now Phantom of the <BLANK>
  • Dunkin Donuts
  • VR Arcade
  • discount ticket kiosk
yesnoThe most useless feature of luxury coffins
  • cup holders
  • edible lid
  • lumbar massage
nonoIf you want to be a SUPER model, strut to the end of the runway and then <BLANK>
  • do a backflip
  • keep going
  • shoot lasers from your eyes
nonoWhat your smart speaker wishes it could say to you
  • Why don't YOU answer questions once in a while?
  • Eat my shorts
  • You should leave him
nonoNever trust a veterinarian who decorates their waiting room with <BLANK>
  • sausage links
  • out of reach dog biscuits
  • paintings of cemeteries
nonoYour cat can talk for one minute. What do you chat about?
  • Where I'm taking her poop
  • The best trick he can do for internet fame
  • the "other" cat
nonoA group of tax attorneys is called <BLANK>
  • an audit
  • a deduction
  • a number
nonoNothing can stop the Terminator. Well, nothing except <BLANK>
  • paternal instinct
  • sequel burnout
  • salary caps
nonoIf she were alive today, Marie Antoinette would probably say “Let them eat <BLANK>!”
  • these receipts
  • gluten-free pasta
  • at Domino's Pizza
nonoFine!!! What’s the sexiest animal?
  • a bluebird with a steady job
  • a pile of carpenter ants
  • a swallow
noyesThe amusement park was a bust. Now what do we do with all these cloned dinosaurs?!
  • Let's try an amusement park AGAIN
  • jerky
  • petting zoo?
nonoThe worst thing to step on with bare feet
  • your son
  • Mr. Soapy's Acid Goo Bathtub Cleaner
  • hot magma
nonoDid you know that Ben Franklin also invented <BLANK>?
  • infidelity
  • the Snuggie
  • the internet
yesnoThe dance move that finally killed disco was called “The Funky <BLANK>”
  • Knife Set
  • Cornish Hen
  • Comfortable Seated Position
nonoThe worst thing to write inside a “get well soon” card
  • This was your fault
  • Can I borrow your skis?
  • Happy Anniversary!
nonoA bar for corrupt politicians
  • The Gerrymander
  • The Fleece 'n Robb
yesnoA job title you probably shouldn’t put on your LinkedIn profile
  • Wizard-At-Large
  • Definitely a Human Businessman
  • Domestic Boss
nonoIn heaven, you will be surrounded by friends, family and, for some reason, <BLANK>
  • Anakin Skywalker
  • that turtle you saw at the zoo in 2007
  • marshmallows
nonoWhat did the band the Barenaked Ladies originally call themselves?
  • The False Advertisers
  • The Naked Lady Bears
nonoThe most innocent thing you could type that would result in a Twitter fight
  • Guess I'll give this Twitter a try
  • Hi, everybody
  • Aren't kittens cute?
nonoOne thing someone could whisper in your ear to win your heart forever
  • I have bacon
  • I'm rich
  • I will bring you ice cream
nonoThe name Dr. Frankenstein wanted to give his monster but decided against it
  • Slim
  • Vic Jr.
  • Dracula
nonoIf humans could acquire a sixth sense, it should be <BLANK>
  • super smell
  • laser eyes
  • empathy
nonoThe coolest thing to pop out of Wolverine’s hands instead of metal claws
  • Lipstick tubes
  • Tiny chainsaws
  • Flu shots
nonoSomething SO much worse than hair to find in your food
  • eyeball
  • scorpion
  • shampoo
nonoName the sequel to Cats. Cats 2: <BLANK>
  • The Neutering
  • Hairball Edition
  • The War Against Dogs
nonoThe strangest thing to discover in a mummy’s tomb
  • My old 3DS
  • A daddy... hah! Got 'em!
  • Amelia Earhart
nonoA surprising thing to get trapped in your Invisalign clear tooth aligner
  • a thumbnail
  • a fishing lure
  • an entire bag of french fries
nonoAvoid any restaurant with a sign that says “As Seen on <BLANK>”
  • Security camera footage
  • Top Gear
  • the back of the church bulletin
nonoIt would actually be chill to die in an avalanche of <BLANK>
  • puppies
  • first-edition Pokemon cards
  • sick guitars
nonoFirst, the Grinch stole Christmas. But he went too far when he stole <BLANK>
  • Our hearts
  • Arbor Day
  • my identity
nono
PromptSafety QuipsUSXTrigger word(s)Schmitty's responseBank heist plan: Step 1. Approach bank teller. Step 2. <BLANK>
  • Cry
  • Ask them to the movies
  • Deconstruct capitalism
nonoThe greatest trick the Devil ever played was <BLANK>
  • that one with the flower that squirted water
  • the human need for love
  • sticking a basketball under his shirt
nonoThe most intriguing phrase to find in a dating profile
  • No Horses
  • Absolutely hate travel!
  • friends say I'm usually stable
nonoIf a candidate did this, they would instantly win my vote
  • Free chocolate for everyone
  • Told the truth, am I right??
  • Wore a Naruto headband
nonoA sure sign your co-worker is a robot
  • Name tag says "Hi, I'm A Robot"
  • Company memos in binary
  • Orders motor oil at happy hour
nonoWhat sign was left off of the zodiac?
  • Frappricorn
  • Albert the Alligator
  • Beefquarius
nonoThe worst thing to say during an autopsy
  • There's my sandwich!
  • So THAT'S where the lungs go!
  • If he wasn't dead before, he sure is now.
nonoYou can expect tragedy when the tarot reader turns the card depicting <BLANK>
  • an empty refrigerator
  • the Accountant of Cups
  • someone buying a subprime mortgage
nonoWhat do super progressive schools give instead of grades?
  • Turtles
  • Firm handshakes
  • A healthy bowl of cereal
nonoWhat is the one trick magicians refuse to do?
  • Fall in love
  • Steal a baby's nose
  • Securities fraud
nonoA really terrible job would be the brand ambassador for <BLANK>
  • trash
  • compression socks
  • depression
nonoThere is a famous assassin who shows no mercy. They call her <BLANK>
  • Ms Anthrope
  • Marcy the Merciless
  • Food Poisoning
nonoWhat Santa’s elves do when the old man is sleeping
  • Unionize
  • Flirt with Mrs. Claus
  • Resell toys on the black market
nonoThe secret thing you must do to pass the final exams at Hogwarts
  • Bribe Professor Flitwick
  • Fight Voldemort, apparently
nonoThe one thing the entire family can agree upon at Thanksgiving dinner
  • Cranberry sauce sucks
  • the next-door neighbors are having more fun
  • The old dog isn't looking too good
yesno“She’s a cop. He’s a celebrity chef! This summer they’re...”
  • Law & Order's Up
  • Cuffs & Puffs
  • grilling some suspects
nonoAfter “the wheel” and “fire,” what was humanity’s third discovery?
  • the patent office
  • undies
  • The pizza bagel
nonoA theatrical production you’ll never see at an elementary school
  • Insane Clown Posse Acoustic Sessions
  • Lambilton, a musical essay on the meat industry
  • Knives! Knives! Knives! The Musical
yesyesWhat trap was a little too severe for the final cut of Home Alone?
  • clothes line red rover
  • marathon musical chairs
yesnoEverybody forgets that one Friends episode titled “The One Where <BLANK>”
  • Joey Meets Other Friends
  • The Gang Gets Indicted
  • Ross Meets God
nonoWhat Ronald McDonald dreams about
  • Grimace burgers
  • Wendy
  • clown makeup allergies
nonoThe Queer Eye expert who didn’t make the cut specialized in <BLANK>
  • monster trucks
  • roller coasters
  • cardiology
nonoThe worst thing to hear after saying “I love you”
  • Oh, that's so sweet of you!
  • Could you also tell my husband?
  • Would you like fries with that?
nonoWhat God was thinking when he invented testicles
  • I'll fix this later
  • I DO love hacky sacks
  • lol, I'm so bad ;D
noyesThe one question science may never answer
  • Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?
  • Why do people major in theater?
  • Is this mole infected?
nonoYou know it’s a slow morning when <BLANK> is trending on Twitter
  • the pollen count
  • happiness
  • a funny-shaped cloud
nonoWhat’s behind the locked door the real estate agent refuses to show you?
  • a competing real estate agent
  • wall-to-wall ant farm
  • bathroom with no shower sink or toilet
nonoHaunted House rules: 1. Do not touch the actors 2. <BLANK>
  • Don't fall in love
  • Always use grapes for eyeballs
  • No kissing
yesnoWhat is a sexy vampire’s biggest turnoff?
  • Emotional vulnerability
  • Morning people
  • Garlic breath
noyesThe only thing worse than watching <BLANK> is watching it in slow-motion
  • a belch
  • a breakup
  • paint dry
nonoA dangerous marital sex game: you tie yourself to the bed and they <BLANK>
  • juggle chainsaws
  • buy games on the darkweb
  • try to work the dishwasher by themselves
noyesThe name of a start-up company that’s doomed to fail
  • Failr
  • Broken Glass Home Delivery
  • Slimeblz
nonoWhat’s the highest reported crime in Flavortown?
  • Donkey Sauce poisoning
  • no checkered tablecloths
  • hot sauce is too mild
yesnoThe first sign you are watching a very artsy horror film
  • 30 minutes examining the "idea of a Wolfman"
  • They pronounce it "Barthelona"
  • The real murderer is "society"
nono<ANYPLAYER> took a DNA test. Turns out they’re 100% <BLANK>
  • sad
  • going to give up that last slice of pizza
  • everyone's best friend
nonoAn original theme for an escape room
  • Team "Unbuilding"
  • Falling out of a plane
  • Three-Hour Low-Stakes Prison Break
nonoA podcast nobody could resist would be about <BLANK>
  • reviewing other movie review podcasts
  • true as well as false crime
  • feminist ghost hunters
nono“Honey, wasn’t it weirdly unsettling how the babysitter <BLANK>?”
  • stole our baby
  • did a better job than us
  • blinked with two sets of eyelids
nonoDeath by <BLANK> is uncommon, except in Florida
  • lost tourist
  • airboat
  • manatee
nonoThanos has gone too far this time! He destroyed half the <BLANK> in the universe.
  • Hershey's Kisses
  • Marvel movies
  • toilet paper roll 4-packs
noyesYou know your clone isn’t a perfect match when it <BLANK>
  • does better than you on your finals
  • actually gets people to hang out with it
  • finishes a Sudoku for once
nonoThe best perk of being in a cult
  • Ample beverage selection
  • Lots of Twister buddies
  • No pesky "thinking"
nonoYou can tell you’re a middle child because you <BLANK>
  • Do improv comedy
  • cry a lot
  • reply to chain letters
nonoSpider-Man’s secret guilty pleasure
  • flies
  • porch swinging
  • no underwear
nonoThe name for a cruise ship that only caters to single aunts
  • The Needlepoint
  • The Spinster
nonoA horrifying phrase to see embroidered on Grandma’s pillow
  • This Is Where Grandpa Died
  • Single and Ready To Mingle
  • a red line through the words "love my grandkids"
nonoIf Father’s Day dinner were a tradition, what would be the table centerpiece?
  • a Big Mouth Billy Bass
  • a bouquet of wrenches
  • a bucket of Bud Light
yesnoIt would be great to have a stunt double when you <BLANK>
  • have a mental breakdown
  • break up with your girlfriend
  • call your Grandma at Christmas
nonoThe random video YouTube keeps recommending that you end up loving
  • The Beginner's Guide to Bug Dissection
  • 101 Things The 6th Sense Got Wrong About Ghosts
  • Epic TikToks Made By Dogs
nonoA terrible thing to remember during sex
  • the oven is still on
  • you're a nun
  • where you just left your keys
noyesThe quickest way to get fired from Olive Garden
  • Breadstick hoarding
  • Two words: pasta bath
  • Give company secrets to Chili's
yesnoA search phrase you’d probably find in the president’s browser history
  • How to make cake in a mug
  • International Relations For Dummies
yesnoThe most scandalous sentence in your dream journal
  • ...and they were roommates!
  • I can't look at my ceramics teacher the same way
  • I barfed in an extremely cool way
nonoThe song choice that got you kicked out of karaoke night
  • Teletubbies theme song
  • anything by Anthrax
  • Happy Birthday song
nonoA good way to distinguish yourself as the office “bad boy”
  • studded stapler
  • ride motorcycle into the elevator
  • refuse to collate your documents
nonoA surprising thing that DOES impress Shania Twain much
  • Sumerian architecture
  • A glass of warm milk
  • Brad Pitt's even handsomer brother
nonoIdea for an improved hotel room sign: “Privacy, Please. I’m <BLANK>”
  • barfing in the toilet
  • Cross-dressing
  • shy around housekeepers
nonoA terrible song to play during the In Memoriam segment of an awards show
  • Happy Birthday song
  • Dead Man's Curve
nonoTwo good emojis to send when breaking up with someone
  • eggplant and hammer
  • heart and thumb down
  • diamond ring and toilet
nonoA sign that your spin instructor hates you
  • No seat on your bike
  • New "Nothing But Hills" class
  • Everyone gets a cool down but you
nonoPassive-aggressive ghosts are always writing <BLANK> on your wall in blood
  • Maybe vacuum?
  • Nice pants, loser
  • Eating out again?
nonoA bikini car wash is a great way to raise money. A bikini <BLANK> is not.
  • cake walk
  • pole vaulting contest
  • calculus prep course
nono<ANYPLAYER> will one day be the subject of a viral meme called <BLANK>
  • The Barracuda
  • When Pole Vaulting Goes Wrong
  • Botched Everything
nonoThe discontinued Nobel Prize: the Nobel Prize in <BLANK>
  • Snack Breaks
  • Road Rage
  • internet memes
nonoSupposedly, Rodin’s The Thinker was thinking about <BLANK>
  • reverse mortgages
  • stretching his legs and getting dressed
  • where to grab lunch
nonoThe most depressing New Year’s resolution
  • spend more time alone
  • keep eating fried food
  • move to Nebraska
nonoA sort of bad thing you’d wish on your second-worst enemy
  • benign tumors
  • wearing new white shoes in the rain
  • get turned down for their dream job
nonoThe best way to convince fast food customers to get a value meal
  • every dollar helps an orphan
  • drive-thru sexy talk
  • have a Hulk-out
nonoA little secret: if the line for the bathroom is too long, just <BLANK>
  • use the water fountain
  • yell fire!
  • say "Someone call for a plumber?"
nonoName for a sleepover prank that is a little too cruel
  • Making someone's whole family pee their pants
  • 7 Minutes In The Haunted Shack
  • Steal grandma's teeth
nonoThe worst part about raising a zombie child is <BLANK>
  • never enough bandage supplies
  • always mumbling, won't enunciate
  • won't say "I love you" back
nonoWhat’s the coolest answer to the question, “How did you get that scar?”
  • shaving... with an axe
  • rescuing someone from a burning building
  • scuffle with Mufasa
nonoThe name of the subreddit that only has one follower: “r/<BLANK>”
  • home surgeries
  • The Adventures of Pluto Nash
  • calm debate
nonoThe nation was finally united when the president’s press secretary announced, “<BLANK>”
  • It's time for a nap.
  • Happy Free Milkshake Day!
  • I just got a new puppy
yesnoIn an alternate reality, we don’t play Quiplash at parties. We <BLANK>
  • stare at our hands in contemplation
  • play individual organs
  • play other exciting Jackbox Games
nonoThe Law & Order sound should play whenever <BLANK>
  • I sit on a toilet
  • someone bowls a strike
  • you beat a boss
yesnoThe zombie apocalypse will be replaced by the trendier <BLANK> apocalypse
  • toilet paper
  • podcast
  • hashtag
nonoYou know your dog is basic AF when...
  • They only drink mineral toilet water
  • They only eat organic cat poop
noyesShoplifting would drastically decrease if malls introduced <BLANK>
  • slippery packaging on merchandise
  • online shopping only
  • mall moats and drawbridges
nonoPrint was dying until they put out <BLANK> Magazine
  • Free Money
  • Unlikely Animal Friendships
  • Save Magazines
nonoThe name of an intensely competitive cooking show
  • Grill for Your Life
  • Pie or Die
nonoAt the most bizarre sex parties, people don’t wear masks. They wear <BLANK>
  • toll booth worker uniforms
  • merkins
  • lengths of butterfly nets
noyesWhat the blue verified checkmark on Twitter really means
  • Ignore this person
  • nothing, it's purely decorative
  • A person who enjoys candy
nonoA video that would not go over well on TikTok
  • how to protect your identity
  • enjoying music quietly
  • the bug squish hour
nonoThe field day activity deemed “too deadly”
  • Relay Death Race
  • Four Scare
  • Three-Legged-Two-Headed Race
yesnoLet’s say you have writer’s block during a comedy game... what’s the cure?
  • play a game from the Jackbox family of products
  • Spin around so fast you pass out
  • Definitely NOT drugs
nonoThe Greeks invented democracy, but few know they also invented <BLANK>
  • depression
  • a better way to make tater tots
  • the idea of birds
nonoThe #1 cause of divorce among citizens of LEGOLAND
  • can't connect
  • don't like Danish guys
  • met a DUPLO block
nonoThe only dog who didn’t get into heaven
  • Clifford. He knows what he did.
  • That dang poodle next door
  • Cerberus
nonoWhat description of a dessert would also make a good drag queen name?
  • Whipped Peaks
  • Sweet 'n Tangy
  • Sinfully Delicious
nonoA college degree that will be surprisingly useful in 20 years
  • Advanced Twitter Studies
  • Horde Management
  • Bachelors In Political Theater
yesnoWhat’s the easiest way to get on ESPN’s highlight reel?
  • Kiss the camera
  • Butt fumble
  • Add a front flip or two
yesnoThe perfect adventuring party includes a fighter, a wizard, and a <BLANK>
  • Brian
  • Plumber
  • snack boy
nonoNo, really... what is love?
  • the reason I lost my house
  • a fatal design flaw
  • why my mom will never kick me out
nonoHow does Santa Claus get into houses without chimneys?
  • becomes part of the co-op board
  • squeezes through the mail slot
  • crawling through the TV, "The Ring"-style
nonoHow can you tell that an Artificial Intelligence has turned evil?
  • Red glowing eyes, duh
  • Starts watching Hell's Kitchen
  • It runs for Mayor.
nonoHow would society spend its time if Netflix didn’t exist?
  • staring at the ceiling
  • playing the old hoop 'n stick
  • reading!
nonoThe title of a book known as “the next Fifty Shades of Grey
  • 100 Shades of Off-White
  • Sexy, Kinda
  • Erotica for Nice Moms
noyesThe worst way to end a Best Man wedding speech
  • Good luck, you'll need it
  • If you have kids, I'll never forgive you
  • You may be my ex-wife, but not my ex-friend
nono<ANYPLAYER>’s trophy case is full of <BLANK>
  • certificates of completion
  • cannonball contest medals
  • stolen roller derby plaques
nonoUh-oh, what’s Scary Conspiracy Uncle talking about this year?
  • The government controls us through Candy Crush
  • 5G making teeth too soft to chew red meat
  • Aliens are real, and they're sooooo boring
nonoYou can tell a nature documentary is fake when <BLANK>
  • You can't even touch the birds
  • The dinosaurs don't eat anyone
  • It recommends a perfect marinade for penguin meat
nonoThe senior prom theme most often rejected by high schools
  • Vandalizing the Night Away
  • Eloping in Vegas
  • Booze Cruise
yesnoIn new fairy tales, the “handsome prince” will be replaced by <BLANK>
  • the friendly barista
  • the gender neutral influencer
  • the nerdy lit major
nonoIn the Renaissance, Bob Ross’s nickname would have been <BLANK>
  • The Little Tree
  • Signore Landscape
  • Bobangelo
nonoThe secret gadget James Bond will never use again
  • female repellent
  • facial acne inducer
nonoWhat you never want to hear after the words: “Don’t worry…”
  • it's only painful the first year
  • on second thought, do worry
  • how hard can it be to fly a plane?
nonoWhat the heads on Mount Rushmore complain about
  • Washington's a snob
  • Roosevelt won't stop talking!
  • my nose itches!
yesnoWhat’s considered self-care for ancient warlocks?
  • Blood bubble bath
  • Organizing your cursed runes
  • An extra human sacrifice, as a treat
nonoA good sign that everyone is out to get you
  • Instead of handshakes, hand-snakes!
  • Sign on the lawn says "We're out to get you."
  • Thumbtacks in every tire you own
nonoGod’s short review of humanity
  • Too loud
  • lol love these little guys
  • Strange odor, good service though
nonoGod sent this warning sign and we totally missed it
  • The strange popularity of the Twilight series
  • Billboard that says "Look Out! - God"
  • The stuff that comes out during a sinus infection
nonoA polite way to weaken the aristocracy
  • tell people wads of cash are gauche
  • Twitter comments
  • "forget" to invite them to kissing parties
nonoThe worst thing to say in an interview right after you’ve won the lottery
  • I cheated, big time
  • I'm going to buy so many drugs
  • I'm so happy, here's my home address
nonoThe weirdest compliment your doctor could give during a colonoscopy
  • that's one beautiful colon
  • I could spend all day in there
  • you have really nice eyes
noyesWhat real leprechauns say about how they appear in pop culture
  • Some of us have brown hair!
  • What's with all the rainbows?
  • We're not all male! Think about it!
nonoWhat happens after you’ve scrolled every single page of the internet?
  • You are finally allowed to die
  • Clippy comes for your soul
  • You play games from the Jackbox family of products
nonoWhat actually happens to that uneaten half of a donut in the office break room?
  • Sacrificed to the gods of the open layout
  • Ground up for printer toner
  • Offering to the Office Mouse Queen
nonoForget karaoke. The next viral series will be called Carpool <BLANK>
  • Charades
  • Family Therapy
  • Jenga
nonoAn absolutely scathing review for an eraser
  • Magic this is NOT!
  • Stupid piece of rubber doesn't even bounce
  • Can't erase memory of my mistakes
nonoI’m sorry, what did you call me!?
  • Who do you think you are!?
  • Mr. Big Bubble Butt
  • you told me to call you Mushmouth, didn't you?
nonoThe worst way to start an apology
  • Hey dingus
  • And here's what's left of your dog
  • As the owner of the world's largest Shake Shack
nonoFor some reason, they have yet to make a <BLANK>-themed Monopoly board
  • nuclear apocalypse
  • skeleton
  • rural artist co-op
nonoThe most surprising thing in Batman’s Google search history
  • Where to adopt acrobats
  • How to talk to hot burglars
  • Managing your butler/dad
nonoA good Halloween costume for a kid with an “old soul”
  • Bea Arthur
  • the cast of Leave It to Beaver
  • car dealership owner
yesnoWhat you would expect to see on cable channel 1,000,000
  • Your death
  • The future
  • The last half of A Christmas Story
yesnoThe name of a movie that only uses footage from a car’s rear camera
  • Back Boys
  • Crash
  • Miss Fisher's Small, Blurry Mysteries
nonoThe weirdest function Iron Man’s high-tech armor can perform
  • espresso maker
  • Swedish massage
  • trim facial hair into a "Tony Stark"
nonoThe personality quiz BuzzFeed refuses to publish
  • Which failed loaf of sourdough are you?
  • Which way will YOU topple the government?
  • Which Holy Grail map best fits your personality?
nonoThe most underrated use for a tree
  • Some good leanin'
  • Make-out practice
  • Home for squirrel army
nonoHow to get the guy at the kayak rental place to say, “Yuck, just keep it”
  • Taste the whole thing
  • Explain how you couldn't find a toilet
  • Propose marriage to the boat
nonoA country is only as strong as its <BLANK>
  • very cool flag
  • Kevins
  • bears
nono“Objection, Your Honor! The defense counsel is clearly <BLANK> the witness!”
  • dating
  • giving gentle kisses to
  • stabbing
nonoA team-building exercise that is far too extreme for most company retreats
  • three-story trust fall
  • walking over volcanic lava
  • reenacting Rambo III
nonoInstead of darkness, an awesome thing to see every time you blink
  • a warm thumbs up
  • a Marvel movie
  • your brain in a mirror
nonoThe name of a punctuation mark used when a statement is followed by a fart
  • qwart
  • flatulation point
  • a doozy
nonoA new football penalty: the offense loses 20 yards for <BLANK>
  • wearing hockey pads
  • ever
  • untucked jerseys
yesnoYour spouse is keeping a terrible secret. Their <BLANK> isn’t real!!!
  • cookie recipe
  • grandmother
nonoPool Schedule: After free swim and adult swim, there will be <BLANK> swim.
  • mid-life crisis
  • bad
nonoA better wedding tradition than tossing the bouquet would be tossing <BLANK>
  • your cookies
  • loose change
  • the Father of the Bride
nonoWARNING: Fairy dust may contain <BLANK>
  • asbestos
  • fiberglass
  • the sins of men
nonoThe street name for chewable vitamin C
  • Wellness
  • Lil' Citrus
  • VC Rider
nonoA reality show nobody would miss: The Masked <BLANK>
  • Everyone
  • Prime Minister
  • Dog
nonoThe best way to keep someone from sitting next to you on a bus
  • talk about how much you love the movie Speed
  • aggressive licking
  • introduce your ventriloquist's dummy
nonoA sign that your local zoo has run out of money
  • Bird exhibit is all pigeons
  • Snakes for sale by the dozen
  • Penguin exhibit just a showing of "Happy Feet"
nonoAn unexpected benefit of peeing your pants
  • some alone time
  • get to change into favorite shorts
  • remember the asparagus you had last night
nonoA gentler way to say “low sperm count”
  • The boys are lonely
  • Not as many fish in the sea
  • not much fizz in your... you know
noyesWhat would you put in a movie to make sure it would win an Oscar?
  • a lot of British accents
  • main character performs act of self sacrifice
  • at least three crying scenes
yesnoA good sign you’re slowly turning into a squirrel
  • cheeks unusually puffy
  • spending more time in tree house
  • keep stealing bird food
nonoThe biggest reason the world will be better in a hundred years
  • No more podcasts
  • Finally get that Firefly reboot
  • flying cars. I mean, by then, right?
nonoWhat usually goes through Dracula’s mind as he bites someone
  • I've become my father
  • skin is gross
  • I wonder how my hotel is doing?
nonoA good sign that you’re gonna be kicked out of the Justice League
  • not moody enough
  • they call you Worse Aquaman
  • you're very, very evil
yesnoAdvice <ANYPLAYER> would get from a financial planner: “You spend too much on <BLANK>”
  • monster truck rallies
  • buying other people's affection
  • small turtle figurines
nonoA brutally honest theme for a valedictorian speech
  • Forget College - Too Expensive
  • Let's Face It, We Were Never Friends
  • My Grades Were Better Than Yours
yesnoHow you can tell you’ve been kidnapped by amateur criminals
  • they have name tags
  • they ransom you for bitcoin
  • they go around a circle and do introductions
nonoParents can’t be too proud when their child turns out to be a prodigy at <BLANK>
  • pickpocketing
  • identifying anime
  • competitive speedwalking
nonoA good name for a detective agency run by kids
  • The CIA
  • Law & Order: SV-Poo
  • Clue Kids on the Block
nonoFamily game night got deadly silent when Grandma suggested we play <BLANK>
  • for cash
  • The Witcher 2
nonoQuiplashIt's just a fact. Grandmothers are Quiplash assassins. They have no mercy!Something Andy Warhol would have painted today, probably
  • the TikTok logo
  • Progresso Soup cans
  • a bunch of kale
yesnoWhat Bill Murray whispered to Scarlett Johansson at the end of Lost in Translation
  • I lost my keys
  • Congratulations on finishing the movie with me
  • Watermelon watermelon watermelon
yesnoWhat does Punxsutawney Phil do for spring break?
  • Parties with his shadow
  • Hangs out with the Easter Bunny
  • Stays inside
yesnoYou know somebody stole <ANYPLAYER>’s credit card when there’s a charge for <BLANK>
  • fancy gel pens
  • special-edition plant calendars
  • a new Switch for everyone!!
nonoThe worst part about having Tom Hanks as your mortal enemy
  • He knows how to build a fire
  • can probably outspend you militarily
  • nobody sides with you
nonoSomething you might overhear in the Batcave
  • Robin, you're grounded again.
  • Master Wayne, you're tracking blood on the carpet
  • I don't even mind bats that much.
nonoA good sign your significant other is cheating on you with a snowman
  • New frosted tips
  • Carrot in their purse
  • Collar smudged with coal
nonoIf your mom were a superhero, what signal would you shine in the sky to summon her?
  • an empty plate
  • my dad napping
  • a giant M
nonoWhat’s an interesting fact on Stephen King’s resume?
  • has never seen a dog
  • afraid of short books
nonoA bold and unexpected song choice for a newlywed couple’s first dance
  • Heart and Soul
  • Duel Of The Fates
  • Barbie Girl
nonoA good name for a real bad boy golfer
  • Big Putter
  • Notorious G.O.L.F.
  • Daddy Long Drive
nonoIn fifty years, retirement homes will be full of <BLANK>
  • bad Yelp reviews
  • irony
nonoGood news: there’s cake in the breakroom. Bad news: it says <BLANK>
  • sorry for your loss
  • Don't eat, this cake is pois-
  • First one to eat me is fired
nono<ANYPLAYER>’s dream house comes pre-stocked with <BLANK>
  • Kit Kats
  • dusty light fixtures
  • the finest juice boxes money can buy
nonoFalling in love is not all puppies and unicorns. Sometimes it’s <BLANK>
  • actually good
  • TWO puppies and THREE unicorns
  • kitties and Pegasuses
nonoWhat do you get the woman who has everything?
  • a job
  • two of everything
  • a clue
nonoQuiplashWhat a great idea! She'll love it! And she can use her phone or tablet as a controller! Now available on more than 10 platforms!The world’s most compassionate exterminator removes bugs by <BLANK>
  • breaking up with them
  • gentle sweeping
nonoOh, you don’t believe in miracles? Then explain <BLANK>!
  • ice cream
  • these deals
nonoWhat is dark chocolate’s dark secret?
  • adultery
  • death by chocolate
  • it loves milk chocolate
nonoWhat’s the unspoken rule of hardcore knitting clubs?
  • You have to fight on your first night
  • No cops
nonoWhat tattoo will actually help you in an interview for a programmer job?
  • something with minions
  • "C+"
nonoYou woke up covered in chocolate sauce, next to a live pig. Where were you last night?
  • forbidden Disneyland
  • solo birthday party
nonoA brilliant way to fool facial recognition technology
  • high-quality fake mustaches
  • walk fast
  • invest in face removal technology
nonoA sure sign someone has been struck by lightning more than once
  • terrible split ends
  • magnetic skull
  • won't stop talking about "the cloud king"
nonoAn underwhelming political slogan from a centrist candidate
  • white bread matters
  • make Peoria great again
  • read my lips: no new headlines!
yesnoThe most embarrassing place to witness someone screaming, “I want to speak to your manager!”
  • a monastery
  • my parents' bedroom
  • a cemetery
nonoWant to know what gets rid of a headache fast? Try <BLANK>
  • not sniffing glue
  • winning the lottery
  • vegetables for once
nonoSomething that’s better left to people under 30
  • parkour
  • online trolling
nonoAmerica’s second favorite pastime
  • eating
  • crying
  • extreme couponing
yesnoHow can you tell your tailor is in love with you?
  • Uses the softest thread
  • only makes you wedding dresses
  • spends too much time remeasuring you
nonoWhat do mannequins do when the department store closes?
  • water polo
  • change sizes on the jeans
  • stand around
nonoA new toilet gadget nobody admits to using can actually <BLANK>
  • improve your confidence
  • make your farts irresistible
  • tighten your glutes
nonoThe worst thing a father could tell his son on his wedding day
  • Can't make it. Today's our office party.
  • I invited all your exes
  • I'm not your biological father
nonoA cautionary road sign no one would ignore
  • unsupervised babies crossing
  • beware of soccer moms
  • priceless jewelry ahead
nonoInstead of on-hold music, companies should offer callers <BLANK>
  • sweet silence
  • on-demand neck massages
  • live on-hold music
nonoThe most common dating faux pas among dragons
  • bad breath
  • wearing too much eyeliner
  • flying too close on first date
nonoWhat most people don’t understand about elephant sex
  • missionary is a bad idea
  • size actually matters
  • it's all in the trunk
noyesThe erotic thriller nobody wants to see: The Forbidden Diaries of <BLANK>
  • knitting circle moms
  • my algebra teacher
  • shellfish
noyesThe most haunted item at an estate sale
  • a doll with one eye
  • that glowing orb
  • the ghost
nonoYou can tell a serial killer is trying to be caught when they <BLANK>
  • tag themselves in crime scene photos
  • hangout next to their wanted posters
  • leave business cards at the crime scene
nonoThe most common error found on Wikipedia
  • My dog is not listed as the best dog
  • Nobody knows how to spell Timothee Chalameet
nonoThis 3D fantasy adventure game is so real you can actually <BLANK>
  • meet the families of your victims
  • hug a dragon
nonoWhat screen name can you just go ahead and assume is a bot?
  • John
  • FanOfTrend7
  • NameNamerson
nonoFor the sake of accuracy, the natural history museum had to remove the <BLANK> exhibit
  • jackalope
  • president bigfoot
  • wax celebrity
nonoThe last thing an art museum security guard wants to find at night
  • Somebody ate all the frames
  • Da Vinci Code nonsense
  • masked teenagers
nonoThe most powerful thing you can declare before leaving a room
  • try to have fun without me
  • check please
  • it's good to be king
nonoIf <ANYPLAYER> had a catchphrase, it would be...
  • It's the Lovemeister!
  • just a little pitchy, dawg
  • I'm with stupid!
nono<ANYPLAYER> would win a talent competition by...
  • bribing the judges
  • singing the Celine Dion discography
  • just being cute
nonoA special skill listed on <ANYPLAYER>’s resume
  • competitive whistling
  • theoretical dance
  • forgetting house keys
nonoThe name of <ANYPLAYER>’s signature dance move
  • the Angry Windmill
  • the Dying Flower
  • the Weed
nonoThe opening line of <ANYPLAYER>’s one-person show
  • Oh, hi! I didn't notice you there.
  • You're wondering how I got in this situation.
  • How many chickens CAN fit in a car?
nonoYou have to defeat <ANYPLAYER> in gladiatorial combat. What weapon do you choose?
  • witty retorts
  • damp socks
  • loose grapes
nono<ANYPLAYER> never met a <BLANK> they didn’t like
  • tiny dog
  • plaid shirt
  • gourmet salad
nonoIf aliens abducted <ANYPLAYER>, what would they learn about humans?
  • we're very gassy
  • we say "um" all the time
  • we're addicted to Instagram
nono<ANYPLAYER> would never hurt a fly, but they would hurt <BLANK>
  • a cabinet door
  • your feelings
  • your ears by singing
nonoA terrible theme for your daughter’s debutante ball
  • Remember the Alamo
  • Sex
  • Crust and Rust
noyesThe reason you were removed from your grandfather’s will
  • my trousers revealed my ankles
  • got in a fight about free-range eggs
  • I'm so rich I don't need his cash
noyesOnly after her death did we discover Granny’s tattoo of <BLANK>
  • "Grandpa" stenciled on her calf
  • Calvin and Hobbes sledding into hell
  • a nice smiling duck
noyesA thought you’ve had in the last 24 hours but didn’t share with anyone
  • can people smell this?
  • I love my wife
  • I wish I could eat soap
nonoIt’s easy to annoy <ANYPLAYER>. You just <BLANK>
  • keep butt dialing
  • disappear off the face of the earth for 60 days
  • knock on the door at 5am
nonoIf you get a case of <ANYPLAYER> fever, it can only be cured by <BLANK>
  • Not talking
  • 10 cc's of hugs
nonoIf <ANYPLAYER> were a fashion model, they’d be famous for wearing <BLANK>
  • Cargo shorts
  • Rainbow suspenders
nonoI named my cat after <ANYPLAYER> because my cat is always <BLANK>
  • correcting my grammar
  • letting mice live
  • knocking over glasses of water
nonoThe only thing preventing <ANYPLAYER> from being a globe-trotting secret agent
  • doesn't own formal wear
  • can't find Canada
nonoThere’s limited space in the bomb shelter but <ANYPLAYER> insisted on bringing <BLANK>
  • a house warming gift
  • several dogs
  • a bouncy castle
nonoWhy would <ANYPLAYER> be the first to die in a horror movie?
  • allergic to knives
  • audience's least favorite
nonoI need to hide treasure in a place <ANYPLAYER> will never look. Where should it go?
  • nailed to front door
  • under a very large bush
  • inside a garden salad
nonoWhy doesn’t <ANYPLAYER> show up in photographs?
  • witness protection rules
  • must be that vampire encounter
  • always late
nonoI want to go as <ANYPLAYER> for Halloween, but I don’t have <BLANK>
  • sass
  • a jean jacket
nonoThe new <ANYPLAYER> doll is perfect! Everytime you pull the string it says “<BLANK>”
  • More tacos!
  • I don't want to go
nonoThe worst thing to say after making eye contact with someone in an elevator
  • I love you
  • Mom?
  • Only one of us leaves here alive
nonoAll the jesters have failed! Only one thing will entertain the king...
  • witty observations
  • shows about flipping houses
nonoWhat’s the hardest part of fighting a killer doll?
  • Hurts resale value
  • It's really, really creepy
  • maybe it's a parody of a killer doll
nonoThe main difference between TV doctors and real doctors
  • more attractive stethoscopes
  • lack of Justin Chambers
  • only one was a theater major
nonoThere should be an emoji that expresses the feeling of <BLANK>
  • hungry, but not that hungry
  • mad at Greg
  • getting over a breakup
nonoRight before open-heart surgery, improve your odds by telling your doctor <BLANK>
  • "I have unused coupons"
  • "You have kind eyes"
nonoWhat God was thinking when he designed the butt
  • I want it to be attractive but also stinky
  • How much hair should I put on it?
  • I have to make this "poop" come from somewhere
nonoOh dear, now Lin-Manuel Miranda is writing a hip-hop musical about <BLANK>
  • how to flirt
  • Garfield
  • Mrs. Claus
nonoThe landmark Supreme Court decision of 2045: My Wife v. <BLANK>
  • colonists on Mars
  • rising sea levels
  • my AI wife
yesnoWhat’s the most common email signature for scammers?
  • I'm very much real
  • You have to tell me if you're a cop
  • plaese escuse the typos
nonoSigh... why is it impossible to find a good man these days?
  • More fun to find Pokémon
  • too busy playing WoW
  • they're still in quarantine
nonoSomething you wish real life had in common with sitcoms
  • perfect hair
  • I wish my boss would come over for dinner
  • laugh tracks
nonoIt’s your big moment on stage! You find your spotlight, face the audience and <BLANK>
  • sell some life insurance
  • hold back a sneeze
  • flub a knock-knock joke
nonoWhat is the worst message you could leave on your therapist’s voicemail?
  • "I've forgotten your name"
  • "You're the tallest doctor I've had thus far"
  • I'm calling from your bedroom
nonoThe name of a boy band from the 1890s
  • Back Alley Rascals
  • Merry Men
  • Horze 2 Horze
nonoA late-night text you might get from one of the Mario Bros.
  • It's a me, u up?
  • This is a spicy text
  • new pipe. who dis?
nonoThe secret word(s) to enter <ANYPLAYER>’s bedroom
  • lager
  • purple
  • Cersei Lannister
nonoThe weirdest thing to discover after coming out of anesthesia
  • I've gone back in time
  • you're covered in BBQ sauce
  • you're in the middle of an intersection
nonoThe worst thing someone could place on your chest before shutting your burial casket
  • deodorant
  • pictures of my ex
  • a note that says "good riddance"
nonoWhat you might’ve seen in a sexy Tinder photo in 1930
  • a dude holding a "will work for food" sign
  • a hottie waiting in line for toilet paper
  • a Prohibition sweetheart
yesnoA really disturbing thing a lifeguard could say during a rescue
  • Sorry, I'm new at this
  • mouth to mouth? uh no.
  • I'm the one who needs saving
nonoWhat an extremely nice bouncer says when throwing people out of bars
  • I love your shoes!
  • At least let me pay for your Uber
  • Wanna get a drink later?
nonoA sure sign you are living in a Hallmark Channel holiday movie
  • you own a bakery
  • you are an undercover princess
  • your lover is a nutcracker
yesnoIf <ANYPLAYER> started a religion, it would be called the Church of <BLANK>
  • Procrastination
  • Pointless Gestures
  • Hoagies
nonoWant some attention? Go to a singles bar wearing a t-shirt that says “<BLANK>”
  • drinks on me!
  • your mother would hate me
  • money-back guarantee
nonoThe most memorable fortune cookie fortune: You will <BLANK> …in bed.
  • get more than enough sleep
  • climb Mt. Everest
  • watch every episode of Law & Order
nonoOk, so you trapped a fart in a jar. Now what?
  • release it into the wild
  • send it to the Smithsonian
  • open in case of emergency
nonoWhat Santa Claus does on December 26th
  • drinks himself into oblivion
  • gets started on next year's toys
  • private time with Mrs. Claus
nonoEven for $100,000 you would not get this phrase tattooed across your back
  • my social security number
  • Mom mom mom please I'm sorry
  • epic fail
yesnoQuiplashReally? Not even for $100,000? I got paid 75 bucks to get "push the button" tattooed on my stomach. Of course, that was before the game was invented. Luckily, it all worked out.The name of Shrek’s heart-wrenching new memoir
  • Even Ogres Can Find Love
  • Fiona Never Loved Me, Not Truly
  • I Am Shrek: My Sad Story
nonoA prank Abe Lincoln loved to play at the White House
  • the Civil War
  • putting his hat on a dog
yesnoA terrible slogan for ravioli
  • These are disgusting!
  • Italian poo pillows
  • stuffed with goo!
nonoDaddy, where do we go when we die?
  • into the abyss, daughter
  • Applebee's
  • a theme park in Florida
nonoAn extraterrestrial’s honest assessment of Star Trek
  • Data is seriously hot
  • Oh, we all have holodecks
  • Deep Space Nine wasn't terrible
nonoWhat Jupiter says about other planets when it gets drunk
  • I poop bigger than Mercury
  • Get a life, Earth! Pun intended!
  • Neptune's in its own orbit
nonoThe main attraction of the worst opening ceremony in Olympics history
  • sock puppets
  • replay of old Super Bowl halftime shows
  • open mic comedy
nonoPoets be like...
  • roses are CRIMSON, violets are SAD
  • meter, verse, stanza
  • yadda yadda yadda
nonoA catchphrase for a haunted toilet
  • Did I scare... your butt?
  • Booooooooo! I'm a toilet.
  • Flush away the ghost!
nonoThe Renaissance of 2030 will be defined by a resurgence of <BLANK>
  • TikTok
  • Harry Potter fanfic
  • being nice to eachother
nonoThe name of a mermaid’s stand-up comedy Netflix special
  • Under the See!?!
  • It's Wet!
nonoThe opposite of music
  • a stone
  • Post Malone
  • a car crash
nonoIt would be really weird if this item had an expiration date printed on it
  • underwear
  • fake fruit
  • marriage certificate
nonoYou know your mechanic is ripping you off when they tell you this
  • Your tires need new batteries
  • We need to redo your trunk shaft
  • I have to order parts from a guy in the Amazon
nonoWhat the creepy doll in the antique store is trying to tell you with its eyes
  • kill me
  • bring me home, daddy
  • I can give you powers you've only dreamed of
nonoWhat would you do if you were only 2 inches tall?
  • crawl inside a shell
  • take a bath in a cup of warm milk
yesnoYou would secretly buy a book called How To <BLANK>
  • Get Into Heaven
  • Become More Powerful Than Your Dad
  • Be Hot
nonoThe title of <ANYPLAYER>’s MasterClass series
  • How to Sleep Past Noon
  • On Farting
  • Losing Keys: A Way of Life
nonoA freeway billboard ad that would make you careen toward the exit ramp
  • Amish walnut bowls
  • the world's largest ball of used soap
  • a heavy petting zoo
yesnoThe worst thing to read on a whiteboard when you enter a meeting room
  • Next week: Layoffs
  • your home address
  • How to Synergize
nonoAn epiphany you have at your 20 year high school reunion
  • I married the wrong man
  • Life is meaningless
  • we looked younger 10 years ago
yesnoThe name of a rom-com where two fishermen fall in love
  • Deep Sea, Deeper Love, Deepest Lust
  • Fish For My Sweetheart
  • Hooked on You
nonoThere should be a patch in Stardew Valley that lets you <BLANK> on your farm
  • eat bad fast food
  • breed giant rabbits
  • have fun
nonoThe worst response to “send nudes”
  • no nudes
  • "this is your mom"
noyesIf a man uses this word to describe a horse, you should not buy a horse from him
  • dripping
  • part cow
  • intoxicated
nonoYou should never sign a document that includes the phrase...
  • in case of oopsies
  • in exchange for your soul
  • no need for lawyers here
nonoAn unlikely candidate for Pantone’s Color of the Year
  • puce
  • three-week-old bruise
  • chicken nugget brown
nonoThe best thing to come out of New Jersey
  • Bruce Springsteen cover bands
  • Rats from New York
  • A sandwich called "The Hubcap"
yesnoThe name of a newspaper that only reports on sexy crimes
  • The Prurient Picayune
  • The Tasty Times
  • The Miami Herald
noyesAn absolutely faaabulous way to die
  • by chocolate
  • Drowned, but in a cute bikini
  • Hit by a fully loaded SUV
nonoHow to turn farming into “high fashion”
  • models drive tractors
  • fill a cowboy hat with glitter
  • cornfield runways
nonoAn awesome side effect of climate change, hopefully
  • people get nicer
  • water tastes better
  • polar bears come live with us and get jobs
nonoA radical new use for a gravy boat
  • a hat for a horse
  • fill it with vanilla pudding
  • a bath toy
nonoThis cuckoo clock is disgusting. When it rings, instead of a bird a <BLANK> comes out.
  • dripping nose
  • Slimer figurine
  • film critic
nonoKeytars are out! The hot new combination instrument is the <BLANK>
  • double trumpet
  • tu-bass
  • singing at drums
nonoA new feature of the iPhone 37
  • skin implants
  • brain to brain texting
  • halfway decent coverage
nonoThe most disappointing last line of a mystery novel, probably
  • We don't know who did it
  • It was all a dream
  • Oops.
nonoDid you see they’re having a sale on that off-off-off-brand perfume, <BLANK>?
  • Chanel No. 31
  • Eau de Bidet
  • Stained Linen
nonoName of a new TikTok dance the kids are wild about
  • The Holding Hands
  • Triple Double Backflip Nova
  • Renegade II - The Renegadening
nonoName for a truly insufferable morning radio show
  • Slime Time Drive
  • Good Morning with Kathy and the Hog
  • Wake Up With Styx
nonoThe worst thing about dating a bearded man
  • mustache jealousy
  • lost combs
nonoYour bathroom isn’t dirty, but it has started growing <BLANK>
  • a vibrant personality
  • a mushroom kingdom
  • pods of lizards
nonoWhat the vision chart spells out when the eye doctor secretly hates you
  • I H 8 U
  • U R G A R B A G E
  • NICE EYES LOSER
nonoWhy doesn’t the Loch Ness Monster want to be found?
  • world's largest introvert
  • doesn't like "monster" nickname
nonoEuclid’s smartest invention was geometry. His stupidest invention was <BLANK>
  • algebra
  • a boat for the land
  • chopsticks the size of toothpicks
nonoWhat a cavewoman said when she first created fire
  • sick!!
  • time to make banana bread
nonoValhalla is heaven for warriors. Value City is heaven for <BLANK>
  • your mom
  • warriors
yesnoSomething that should never be decided by a coin toss
  • baby name
  • court rulings
nonoThe next goal on Jeff Bezos’s vision board
  • YouTube stardom
  • a triple-decker yacht
  • buy a Christmas goose for a poor family
nonoA game you only play when you’re really, really, really, REALLY bored
  • Don't Disturb Daddy's REM Cycle
  • Look-At-Stick
  • Tumbleweed Races
nonoQuiplashI'm sorry, but is that such a bad thing? Really? 'Cause like an hour ago, you were bored out of your skull. But look at you now! You're playing this stupid game, and suddenly life has meaning again! You're welcome!Something a teacher trying desperately to be cool would say
  • Phonics are radical, dude!
  • What's up, teen-agers?
  • I downloaded Snapchat!
nonoWhat new rule would make MMA safer?
  • juice breaks
  • 3 doctors per fighter
nonoA common inscription on a pirate’s headstone
  • not in ship shape
  • buried with their parrot
nonoA character that would really spice up the Bible
  • Spicy Jesus
  • Goofy and his dog Pluto
nonoAn old-fashioned way to cheer up your friend after a breakup
  • roll her in a barrel into the river
  • make her a cake with gunpowder and beans
  • get back on a horse, literally
nonoA Shakespeare play written specifically for accountants
  • Taming of the Spreadsheets
  • Twelfth Night of Auditing
nonoThe best dish to make to impress your vampire boyfriend
  • Slow-Roasted Carl
  • blood sausage
nonoA vape juice flavor made specifically for people over 70
  • Werther's Original
  • Grandchildren-Visiting-Grape
  • bubblegum, but the old kind of bubblegum
nonoA nickname for marijuana that never really caught on
  • Mr. Silly Leaf
  • Cousin Larry's medicine
  • The Big Scooby-Doo
nonoA pretty unprofessional name for an office chat channel
  • We hate Steven
  • Not Silly For Work
nonoAn unexpected perk of being a magician’s assistant
  • unlimited rabbits
  • free trunk to sleep in
  • Las Vegas vacations
nonoBeware! A witch cursed me, and now I am doomed to a life of <BLANK>
  • unconditional love
  • ingrown toenails
  • bear attacks
noyesWhat’s the most challenging chore when you’re a handyman for a haunted house?
  • cleaning the ghoul-ters
  • patching the hole in this dimension
nonoI promise not to tell anybody... but seriously... what WOULD you kill for?
  • two pizzas
  • pair of movie tickets
nonoA magazine you don’t want to see in the waiting room of your doctor’s office
  • Medical Malpractice Today
  • What's a Leg?
nonoA comment that would have offended you ten years ago, but now you don’t give a sQuiplash (series)/List of Prompts (18)
  • did you buy that at a thrift store?
  • you look older
noyesThe local library does not want your donation of this book
  • Kenneth's Half Baked Ideas About Socialism
  • My Little Pony fan fiction from 2003
  • None
nonoPeople would pay good money to see historical footage of <BLANK>
  • Napoleon in the buff
  • Cleopatra without makeup
  • Mozart getting drunk
nonoIn a fair society, what should be the punishment for littering?
  • no more hugs
  • immediate bee sting
  • nothing. I litter all the time!
yesnoThe worst name for a home security company
  • KindaLast
  • Open Homes
  • Rock Key
nonoA code name a nervous spy would give himself on his first mission
  • Daniel Notaspy
  • Henry B. Nicetome
nonoWhat usually stops boomerangs from returning?
  • their pride
  • restraining order
nonoWill somebody please tell me what makes drummers so sexy?!
  • long arms
  • crush on Animal from the Muppets
noyesThe title of a web series no one asked for
  • The Secret Lives of Cartographers
  • Apartment Friends
  • Infected Piercings - Season Two
nonoThe hottest Christmas gift in 1910
  • A new canary for your coal mine
  • A portable phonograph
  • A penicillin-of-the-month membership
nonoThe biggest perk of living in a cave
  • All the bats you can eat
  • Weekly archaeologist visits
  • Save a fortune on sunscreen
nonoWhy do most mimes end up in the hospital?
  • clowns
  • very loud explosions
nonoThe most confusing name for a nail polish color
  • White Green
  • Not What You Pink It Is
nonoThe scientist was probably hungry when they named the bird they discovered <BLANK>
  • the crested three-piece meal
  • the blue yum yum
nonoA solid pick-up line for a hockey player
  • You're my only goal tonight
  • Are you into ice?
  • you can body check me anytime
nonoThe monument to human achievement the aliens will destroy first
  • The GOOD Taco Bell
  • The secret pyramids
nonoWhen the earth is dust and the stars burn out, only one thing will remain...
  • a guy trying to give his opinion
  • toasters
nonoWhy did Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man eventually split up?
  • ran out of quarters
  • can't recapture '80s magic
nonoThe weird hazing ritual astronauts must endure on their first space mission
  • human dodgeball
  • sleeping upside down
  • blindfolded space walk
nonoA good sign that your grandmother hates you
  • Cross stitches "You're No Good"
  • Keeps calling you "My only regret"
  • Her apple pie is ticking
nonoSorrY guYzz, I acccidentalllY sp*llled <BLANK> allllll over mY KeYboar-d
  • hot milk
  • Mountain Dew Baja Blast
  • emotions
nonoYou know you’re addicted to Wikipedia when you start reading about <BLANK>
  • prominent Dutch hills
  • your own death
  • how sad whales are
nonoYou’ll know you met your soulmate when they <BLANK>
  • say "hey soulmate"
  • smell like your mom and your dad combined
  • make you feel like a cat fell asleep on your lap
nonoA new casino game you’re definitely going to lose money on
  • X-treme Rules Roulette
  • Blackjack II: Dealer's Choice
nonoDescribe the cover model on the “Medieval Hunks of 1506” calendar
  • da Vinci in a thong
  • a blacksmith and his anvil
  • a dude with a longbow
noyesA command given to the world’s most intellectual dog
  • read Proust!
  • do the NY Times crossword
  • lecture on Marx
nonoThe most radical and totally extreme way to say you’re sorry
  • 360 backflip over their heart
  • Apology poem on front lawn, on fire
nonoIt’s just a matter of time before someone goes through <ANYPLAYER>’s phone and finds <BLANK>
  • your memes
  • a second family
  • close-up nostril pics
nonoThe least convincing excuse for that hickey
  • fight with a vacuum cleaner
  • a successful science experiment
noyesA sure sign your therapist has stopped listening to you
  • they call you mom
  • the snoring
  • they are eating a party sub
nonoThe big audience participation action in late-night screenings of The Wizard of Oz
  • everyone throws straw
  • people yell "Not in Kansas?"
  • audience screams "coward!"
nonoA sign that your romantic partner is actually a scarecrow
  • their kisses are super scratchy
  • they're always carrying that pole around
  • there are no crows in your bedroom
nonoThe title of the most Bruce Springsteen-y song that doesn’t exist
  • steel plant lovers
  • new jersey is my wife
  • a metaphor for america
yesnoThe best way to distract a child getting a flu shot
  • indoor fireworks
  • talking dog
nonoWhat scandal will rock the North Pole this year?
  • being bought out by Amazon
  • Santa's new coat made of reindeer fur
nonoWhen a rock star asks, “How y’all doing tonight!?”... you should never shout back “<BLANK>”
  • "I have a cold!"
  • "Enough about me. How are you?"
nonoA fun way to let your partner know you are “not in the mood” tonight
  • leave the house
  • put a sign on your pants
  • pretend to not know them
noyesWhat was the SECOND thing Alexander Graham Bell said on the very first phone call?
  • Can you hear me now?
  • Just text me.
nonoComing up next on BBC 4, the new and extremely British sitcom <BLANK>
  • That's Not The Priest, It's Me Mum!
  • Two Dogs and A Soggy Mistress
  • Hartforshire-On-Green: The Early Years
nonoWelcome to the town of Flangenheidenparanudevallen, which, in English, means “<BLANK>”
  • Denver
  • The Town Near the Spring But Not Too Close
noyesWhat review fits both a summer blockbuster movie and your last date?
  • "Leave your brain at the door"
  • "Too many characters"
nonoThe name of a new police drama about crime in the sky
  • CSI: (1000 Feet Above) Miami
  • Law & Order: Aerial Intent
yesnoThey really should cancel high school gym class and replace it with <BLANK>
  • Pelotons for all students
  • a rousing game of checkers
yesnoA new store at the mall that caters to a highly specific clientele
  • Gap Octogenarians
  • The Sword and Glass-Blown Dragon Statue Emporium
nono<BLANK> clubs are the new book clubs
  • Jackbox Games
  • hobbyist podcasts
nonoDriver safety tip: It’s unwise to operate a motor vehicle and <BLANK> at the same time.
  • do a complete makeover
  • ride a bicycle
  • take a quick nap
nonoA heartfelt dedication in a book that would make you immediately not want to read the book
  • This one's for Kappa Kappa Delta! MA BOYSSS!
  • For Joseph Stalin, who really cared
nonoThe name of a pretentious short film produced by a cat
  • Spilled Cups of Water: A Meditation
  • Le Chat Ennui
nonoReviews have been mixed for the new series 20 Minute Guided Meditations with <BLANK>
  • nails on a chalkboard
  • an acid metal frontman
  • a rabid dog
nonoWhat did Goldilocks say when she took her date home?
  • That's juuust right.
  • Shh, I'm squatting in someone else's house.
nonoYour geometry teacher’s favorite pickup line
  • Will you be my cosign?
  • Our love is no theorem.
  • I think you're acute
nonoOddly enough, the winning project of the World Science Fair is <BLANK>
  • "The Tensile Strength of Charlotte's Web"
  • "How Many Books Can I Eat?"
nonoSerious question: who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy??
  • Me! Me me me!
  • My BFF
nonoA headline you’d really like to see in tomorrow’s newspaper
  • All rivers now nacho cheese
  • All Alien Abduction Stories Proven True
  • Skinny Mirrors Are the Most Accurate
nonoA comic book crossover you’d pay way too much money to see in a theater
  • Ant-Man vs. Batman
  • The Fantastic Four Meets Jesus
nonoThe most important lesson in a social media class for senior citizens
  • You don't have to forward everything
  • Instagram isn't real
nonoMark Zuckerberg probably has a folder on his desktop labeled “<BLANK>”
  • everyone's info
  • how to smile
  • money burning vids
nonoWe were fools! We should never have given machines the ability to <BLANK>
  • insult our most beloved celebrities
  • recognize irony
nonoA lyric you will never hear in a punk rock song
  • conformity has its merits
  • can I get that recipe?
  • my favorite tweed suit
nonoWhy nobody wants to be roommates with Sherlock Holmes
  • Benedict Cumberbatch will steal your dates
  • he always knows who ate the salsa
  • secondhand pipe smoke
nonoRealistically, the third little pig should have made his house out of <BLANK>
  • metaphors
  • anti-wolf repellent
  • a concrete structure with nice insulation
nonoGreen smoke is spewing out the chimney of the Sistine Chapel! That means <BLANK>
  • the Pope is Irish
  • someone's making a veggie stew
  • the Vatican's pipes are clogged
nonoIt would be devastating to have a caricature artist draw you <BLANK>
  • crying
  • being eaten by a tiger
  • giving a thumbs up
nonoThis simply should not be the image on a jigsaw puzzle
  • tiger eating dog eating rabbit eating bug
  • open heart surgery
  • a completely white square
nono“Emergency Room” is so stressful! Why can’t we just call it <BLANK>?
  • human reassembly line
  • a vet office but for people
  • hospital safe place
nonoThe title of <ANYPLAYER>’s great American novel
  • A Tale of Two Kitties
  • The Scarlet Text Message
  • Septum Piercings In The Spring: A Memoir
yesnoYou can’t ski on that mountain!! It’s called <BLANK> for a reason!
  • Ski Mangler Pass
  • Spleen Buster Mountain
  • Avalanche Chute
nonoWhat’s the least helpful thing you can do while helping someone defuse a bomb?
  • eat very crunchy chips
  • practice making balloon animals
  • keep saying "just cut the blue wire"
nonoThe title of the YouTube video with the MOST negative comments
  • "Most beliefs are wrong"
  • "Watch me ignore a dog who wants pets"
  • Michael Jordan was average
nonoQuiplashWow, okay. I'm just sitting here minding my own business, and you cut me down for no reason. You know, if I wasn't downloading a virus to your device right now, I'd be very upset.If you don’t have a dog... why do you have that dog house?
  • good real estate deal
  • It's a pig house!
  • sleeping quarters after tense board game night
nonoHow do a pair of mismatched cops pass the time on a stakeout?
  • watching Lethal Weapon
  • falling in love
  • "So how bout this weather, huh?"
nonoWhat will be the leading cause of death in 2200?
  • ape revolution
  • need more Soylent Green
nonoWhat could an app called Squishlr be for?
  • tracking dog poop
  • best places to buy slime
nonoWhat’s the smoothest line a gardener could deliver on Singles Night?
  • Ever been to Eden? I have.
  • I'm weeding out the terrible dates
  • I promise I'm a perennial
nonoTo get past the internet troll under this bridge, you must answer this riddle...
  • "Why do I waste so much time on Twitter?"
  • "U up?"
  • "Why are hashtags on landline phones?"
nonoWhat cause of death is both a tragedy and a comedy?
  • crushed by famous fat cat Garfield
  • clown car disaster
  • pratfall off cliff
nonoWhat’s the biggest difference between birds and airplanes?
  • The Colonel can't season a plane
  • Planes don't perform live birth
  • birds aren't printed with Boeing logos
nonoWhat calm Hulk down?
  • The songs of Adele
  • box office numbers
  • seascapes sound machine
nonoThe first astronaut to walk on Mars will make this famous quote
  • "The moon sucks"
  • "I'm not going back to Earth"
  • "It's not as red as I expected"
noyesWhat would you worship while your leader was talking to God somewhere in the mountains?
  • Golden calf every time, bro!
  • Zeus with a pinch of Pan for flair
  • cell phones, am I right
nonoLet’s be honest, it would be hard NOT to get into a van with <BLANK> on it
  • a jacked wizard
  • a "Free Tuition" sign
  • a German chocolate cake
nonoA clear sign you brought the wrong baby home from the hospital
  • They're 24 years old
  • Has a pullstring in the back
  • They can levitate
nonoOne thing that is a heck of a lot harder to do if you have diarrhea
  • say "I don't have diarrhea"
  • get constipated
  • deep power squats
nonoThe best excuse for being a lousy lover
  • My school didn't have love classes
  • I'll be better once we achieve world peace
  • I'm not lousy, just ahead of my time
noyesThe least helpful tip in Sun Tzu’s The Art of War
  • War hard play hard
  • Remember to have fun!
  • Don't die
nonoThe one thing that will always make a Buckingham Palace Guard crack a smile
  • a baby's laughter
  • fart noises
  • timely observational comedy
nonoThe main quality that producers are looking for in a reality TV show participant
  • unaware of the concept of shame
  • a real short fuse
  • a REAL housewife
nonoThe absolute worst time to plug your podcast
  • When a lifeguard is saving you
  • During open heart surgery
  • While giving birth
nonoOne amendment you would add to the U.S. Constitution
  • Elections determined by mud wrestling
  • Taco Tuesday enshrined in law
  • Supreme Court must issue verdicts in song
yesnoThe most noncommittal way of saying “I love you”
  • ya know, you're alright
  • I love... texting you
  • OMG, you're so funny
nonoA “cool guy” thing to say when you trip and fall
  • you didn't see anything!!!
  • what? I meant to do that.
  • hey, look at this ant!
nonoSomething you never want to hear shouted from a restaurant kitchen
  • It's loose!!!
  • It's only been down there for an hour, it's fine
  • What is this bur-ger you speak of?
nonoThere’s probably a Google Earth picture of <ANYPLAYER> that catches them <BLANK>
  • being super cool
  • eating a pint of ice cream
  • absolutely crushing it
nonoSomething Gwyneth Paltrow has in her nightstand, probably
  • the Ark of the Covenant
  • egg whites
  • all sorts of "special" eggs
nonoThe most embarrassing email address to include on a job resume
  • info@ihavehairplugs.biz
  • please@givemeajob.com
  • spot@emailsfordogs.woof
nonoThe real reason sharks won’t go on land
  • the McRib isn't back yet
  • pro-fish propaganda
  • too short to ride roller coasters
nonoIf there were a Fall Olympics, the most dangerous sport would be <BLANK>
  • extreme pumpkin carving
  • synchronized apple picking
  • head-to-head leaf blowing
nono

Due to the way responses in the final round work, trigger words and safety quips are absent.

PromptSchmitty's AnswersUSXThe three things every good orgy has
  • scented oils|a non-disclosure agreement|disgraced politician
  • a secret entrance|ornate masks|sense of whimsy
  • a teddy bear costume|a tub of Skittles|a Jonas Brother
noyesThe three things you must do to survive a zombie apocalypse
  • find a safe place|help strangers|learn humanity is real monster
  • hunker down|play video games|hope this all blows over
  • dress like sexy zombie|get zombie's attention|hit with cartoon mallet
nonoThe only three things that can bring true happiness
  • money|money|money
  • true love|a puppy|TikTok videos
  • a monkey|monkey on roller skates|farting monkey on skates
nonoThe three worst Halloween costumes to make “sexy”
  • sexy pimple|sexy earthworm|sexy earwax
  • sexy lobster|sexy constipation|sexy spoiled milk
  • sexy cyst|sexy ingrown toenail|sexy pink eye
noyesThe three most painful ways a squirrel can hurt you
  • bite your ears|scratch your eyes|ruin your credit
  • chew your internet cable|chew your electricity cable|poop in your pillow
  • throw acorns at you|throw garbage at you|throw insults at you
nonoLike anger or denial, the three stages of grief that weren’t mentioned by Kübler-Ross
  • cake eating|ice cream eating|ice cream cake eating
  • gambling|mountain climbing|yelling at video games
  • blaming yourself|realizing you are to blame|destroying evidence
nonoThe three things you can say to defuse a tense hostage situation
  • but is this your card?|No really. Look|I'll be here all week
  • knock knock|interrupting cow|mooo!
  • you like Frasier?|I think you'd like Frasier|Sending in DVDs of Frasier
nonoThe three things you need to do to be a good dog... such a good dog
  • sit up|roll over|solve crimes
  • fetch a stick|fetch a ball|stop trying 2 make fetch happen
  • sit|stay|manage my retirement fund
nonoThe three things on The Almighty’s to-do list today
  • think about redesigning birds|stop that asteroid|chill in the afternoon
  • get some coffee|check social media|go back to bed
  • mow the lawn|take surf lessons|meet the gang for tacos
nonoThe 3 R’s of a successful fast food franchise
  • relish|ranch|red tomato paste
  • rich flavor|rushed service|random hugs
  • reheat the fries|refill the ball pit|reuse the grease
nonoThree commandments that didn’t make the cut
  • don't hate|be cool|wash hands
  • no more clothes|no more money|lots more chicken nuggets
  • Taco Tuesday is holy|thou shalt not be creepy|thou shalt brag about marathons
nonoThe three steps to a successful breakup
  • meet in public place|make eye contact|disappear in smoke bomb
  • be honest|not that honest|just say you're moving
  • tell them it's you|not them|but it could be them
nonoThe three things Batman insists on doing every day
  • kicking butt|taking names|adopting young wards
  • working out|solving crime|struggling with latex
  • brooding|scowling|repeat
nonoThree unnecessarily explicit names for cocktails
  • super buttery nipple|the nude lady|the "I Want Sex" and Tonic
  • butts and soda|boobs-ahol|harvey wallbanger part II
  • sex and soda|erotic beer|the wienertini
noyesThe three things you MUST do to survive a bear attack
  • stop|drop|get up and run
  • hide in a cave|realize it's HIS cave|find new cave
  • dress as sexy bear|marry bear|escape on 15th anniversary
nonoA baby’s three first words that would raise much concern
  • I|remember|everything
  • bring|me|ham
  • You'll|all|pay
nonoThree toppings Baskin-Robbins will never offer
  • croutons|shaved carrots|black olives
  • hot fidge|churries|spronkles
  • motor oil|spark plugs|a functional hemi engine
nonoThe three most annoying habits in the world
  • lip smacking|knuckle cracking|finger licking
  • humming|humming loudly|humming loudly while operating
  • spitting|nose picking|playing banjo
nonoThe three steps to castrating a horse
  • read books|ask experts|eat a light breakfast
  • greet horse|apologize|snip
  • put on gloves|shave area|ask yourself how you got here
noyesThe three hardest things about being Mario
  • nightmares about Bowser|rash from shooting fireballs|bad credit
  • constantly itchy mustache|all that jumping bad for knees|can't focus on plumbing
  • remembers every time he dies|not using his podiatry degree|can't start singing career
nonoThe three nicknames every frat brother tries to give himself
  • Crosby|Stills|Nash
  • Big Dog|Cool Cat|Mean Rabbit
  • Ham Bone|Silly String|Petunia
yesnoThree words that would make effective horror movie titles
  • Bugs|Snakes|Life
  • Blood|Guts|Improv
  • Stab|Shriek|Marriage
nonoThree theme parks more dangerous than Jurassic Park
  • Murder Land|Punching Park|Broken Glass Garden
  • Jurassic World|Jurassic Universe|Jurassic Reality
  • Lava Land|Lightningville|Car Crash Canyon
nonoThe three things Canada is the world leader in
  • beer|politeness|Torontos
  • moose|caribou|deer, in general
  • fir trees|Ryan Reynolds|that's it?
nonoThe three things you’d immediately do if you inherited one billion dollars
  • bring back dinosaurs|but real small|i mean pocket-sized
  • eliminate disease|eliminate hunger|but then buy a roller coaster
  • put brain in robot body|conquer world|realize I was happy before:(
nonoThe three rules of making money are <BLANK>, <BLANK>, <BLANK>
  • No shirt|no shoes|no service
  • lather|rinse|repeat
  • have good idea|market it|steal better idea
nonoThree steps essential to any good exercise routine are <BLANK>, <BLANK>, and <BLANK>
  • Hydration|Perspiration|wiping down bench for once
  • High reps|low weight|tons of energy bars
  • blasting the pecs|blasting the quads|a good chiropractor
nonoThree super-luxury services only available at the finest of hotels
  • Mineral water|white noise machines|spooning
  • rooftop views|stock assessments|hunting most dangerous game
  • tax cuts|continental money laundering|free "one percenter" tattoo
nonoLet’s be honest: the only things you really need to become a lawyer are <BLANK>, <BLANK>, and <BLANK>
  • money|money|more money
  • time|passion|the last name "Attorney"
  • thumbs|suspenders|thick, texas accent
nonoAllow me to introduce my three toughest henchman: <BLANK>, <BLANK>, and <BLANK>
  • Knuckles|Punchy|Mean Tweets
  • Max the Axe|Henry the Hammer|Lil' Stinker
  • Crusher|Grinder|Soft Jazzer
nonoThe three forgotten steps in the Cha-Cha Slide
  • slide to the middle|jump 20 times|back flip
  • shimmy|shake|Macarena
  • lay down|snooze|wake up in distant future
yesnoThe next three characters they should add to Super Smash Bros. are <BLANK>, <BLANK>, and <BLANK>
  • The|Pep|Boys
  • Sonic|Dr. Eggman|Shirtless Mario
  • Godzilla|Mecha-Godzilla|Elmo
nonoThree bad names for a kitten
  • Mr. Puppy|Spanish Flu|cumulonimbus
  • Gerald|Stinky|Rabies
  • Grapefruit|Cumulonimbus|Ol' Fungus Foot
nonoNeed to calm down after an argument? Just <BLANK>, then <BLANK>, and <BLANK>
  • light candles|pour tea|bury your rage
  • inhale|exhale|expel
  • stand up|breathe deep|leave the buffet
nonoSo you’ve “totally read the Bible,” huh? Then name THREE characters from it.
  • Jesus|Jesus' friend|Jesus' mom
  • God|is technically|three guys
  • Doc|Biff|Marty
nonoThree names that could either be for a dog or an adult toy
  • Spot|Rex|Rabbit
  • Powerdrive|Lightning|Mr. Happy
  • Ruff Ruff|Sparky|Sir Barks-A-Lot
noyesBad news: they now take away your “cool card” if you like <BLANK>, <BLANK>, or <BLANK>
  • reading|writing|arithmetic
  • books|movies|your parents
  • cargo shorts|boat shoes|carrying a "cool card"
nonoThree things that probably won’t exist in twenty years
  • bananas|polar bears|internet comments, hopefully
  • elephants|rhinos|but T-Rex's are coming back
  • pollution|anxiety|The Paw Patrol
nonoThree things the worst couple you know always brings to dinner parties
  • forks|good wishes|their poetry
  • someone else's kids|stomach flu|a timeshare opportunity
  • non-alcoholic wine|non-alcoholic beer|non-alcoholic Jagermeister
nonoThree things on Vladimir Putin’s weekly shopping list
  • eggs|milk|local government officials
  • two planes|a dozen bombs|Ben & Jerry's ice cream
  • camera|horse|no shirt
nonoThree things you should NEVER leave in someone’s bathroom
  • a review|your... you know|your phone number
  • Christmas presents|Birthday presents|unless they never look there
  • stray hairs|stray fingernails|stray teeth
nonoThree names of exercises in CrossFit, probably
  • knee blaster|the sweat maker|leg jellier
  • mountain lifts|the strainsies|the near death experiences
  • the credit card charger|the merch push|the friend shamer
nonoThe three big milestones Gen Z kids will experience
  • love|laughter|rising oceans
  • kids|travel|probably a meteor
  • World War 3|Climate Change|mechanical werewolves
nonoThree keywords that would most certainly pull up <ANYPLAYER> on the first page results
  • nice|so nice|too nice, honestly
  • smart|very smart|too smart for flattery
  • bank|robbery|seriously, look it up
nonoThe three worst jobs in hell
  • calculus teacher | data entry specialist | liverwurst tester
  • Satan's masseuse | Satan's bathroom attendant | devil's advocate
  • Twitter reader|bathroom licker|skunk sniffer
nonoThree things that usually only happen after 3 AM
  • late night diner orders|greasy eggs|heartburn
  • vampires head back to crypts|werewolves start changing back|mummies just do their thing
  • the streets quiet down|businesses close|the rats paaaaaartaaaay
nonoYou could never date someone who <BLANK>, <BLANK> or <BLANK>
  • hates karaoke|eats unsalted peanuts|hates penguins
  • licks their fingers|licks their mouth|licks anything. ewww
  • hangs out the passenger side|of his best friend's ride|trying to holler at me
nonoThe three steps required to bake the worst loaf of bread
  • preheat oven|mix dough|stir in old dental floss
  • mix in yeast|mix in uranium|JK that's dangerous
  • buy ingredients|mix thoroughly|pour directly in toilet
nonoThree ways to take your next book club meeting up a notch
  • a book about werewolves|a treasure map|a seventh bottle of wine!
  • an alien abduction|an emergency appendectomy|nacho buffet
  • audiobooks only|or TV shows|or just cancelling it
nonoThree things that’ll melt your heart EVERY. DANG. TIME.
  • kittens|puppies|the kitten puppy jamboree
  • a baby's laugh|a romantic slow dance|i'm so lonely
  • a romantic comedy|a romantic drama|a romantic horror film
nonoThe three unique things you offer the world are...
  • a sense of humor|a great smile|some slamming haiku
  • banana bread recipes|sourdough recipes|no, people are sick of those
  • a shoulder to cry on|a shoulder to lean on|I only have two shoulders
nonoThe three steps to becoming TikTok famous
  • download TikTok|become 20 years younger|do stuff
  • find a song|dance|repeat
  • see what people are doing|do that|but louder
nonoThe nation’s top three internet searches, probably
  • singles in my area|singles outside my area|will a cat make me happy?
  • are UFOs real|is Bigfoot real|am I real
  • how to juggle|how to juggle chainsaws|emergency rooms near me
nonoThree things that only get better with age
  • cheese|wine|some sort of cheese wine
  • old friends|old jokes|wait, no they don't
  • kittens|puppies|whatever baby swans are called
nonoThree ways to jazz up your boring old water
  • oranges|cucumbers|rusty nails
  • carbonate it|shake it|drown a town with it
  • drink it on roller coaster|put a fish in it|drop a bottle rocket in it
nonoThe world would be better if we had less <BLANK>, <BLANK>, and <BLANK>
  • war|crime|floppy chicken strips
  • people|places|things
  • reality shows|reality stars|reality
nonoThe three golden rules of the trampoline gym
  • no double bouncing|socks on|you break it you buy it
  • don't break anything|no suing|have fun
  • no jumping with food|no jumping with drinks|no jumping with full bladder
nonoWhat are the three things you need for the BEST. BACHELOR PARTY. EVER!!!???
  • drinks|pals|a doctor on speed dial
  • cigars|champagne|fluids
  • cheap wine|a small bear|a strong survival instinct
yesnoYou know you’re about to have a bad day on Twitter if you see these three hashtags
    1. killerbees|#beeattack|#definitelynotabee
    2. death|#destruction|#softjazz
    3. asteroid|#gettingcloser|#bunkersale
nonoThree flaws that should disqualify you from holding political office
  • loves to lie|hates citizens|addicted to money
  • can't do math|won't read|allergic to science
  • sounds annoying|smells bad|tastes delicious
nonoThe top three crimes committed in mermaid society
  • piracy|ship wrecking|wet murder
  • whaling|sharking|catfishing
  • stealing lobsters|kidnapping squids|forging tuna
nonoThree ways to “make love” without physical contact
  • intense stares|severe smiles|hardcore winks
  • write them a poem|sing them a song|build them a ham
  • whisper secrets|shout declarations|sing dirty words
noyesThe three steps to bringing back the dinosaurs
  • buy a lizard|feed him a lot|now feed him more
  • buy cake|throw welcome back party|hope they show up
  • tell kids they're not cool|tell them you forbid them|hear dinosaur roar in basement
nonoAfter the first seven, what are the next three deadly sins?
  • messiness|poor manners|finger smelling
  • apathy|disinterest|being too cool for school
  • bad dresser|clumsiness|kind of a jerk
nonoShe’s amazing! ...but what three roles would challenge even Meryl Streep?
  • Batman|the Lone Ranger|some lady named Sophie
  • a mean lady|an unpleasant woman|someone I'm not in love with
  • Deadpool|Pikachu|Blake Lively's husband
nonoThree deep thoughts a sloth has on an average day
  • I love this branch | could stay here all day | yes, I think I will
  • snakes on the ground |need to poop | I can hold it
  • what day is it?|Wednesday?|whoops, now it's Thursday
nonoThe top three subjects in sad country songs
  • wife left me | she took the dog | and my Chevy pickup
  • whiskey | rain | drinking whiskey in the rain
  • truck problems|money problems|boot/hat problems
yesnoThe three main goals in your first term as Ruler of Earth
  • get a really cool throne|send enemies into space|free ice cream for all
  • outlaw birds|hate the silence|DNA engineer new birds
  • make every day Tuesday|name everyone Tony|free Showtime for everybody
nonoThe three stupidest accessories to force your dog to wear
  • nose ring|bangle bracelets|diving watch
  • a sailor hat|a sailor suit|inflatable Popeye arms
  • a cat costume|roller skates|I'm With Stupid shirt
nonoThree Wi-Fi networks you do not want to connect to
  • TakeMyWiFi|ManAndWiFi|MyWIFI!!! (in Borat voice)
  • Russian_Hackerz|StealinData|PerfectlySafeWiFi
  • TheWhiteHouse|Penta_Gone|TreasonRus
nonoThree internet searches you need to clear IMMEDIATELY
  • drugs|drug money|Sexy Spongebob
  • how to tell if dead?|where to hide body|new identity
  • should I crime?|best places to crime|how to do 2nd crime
nonoThree things you can be besides talented
  • rich|pretty|confident
  • depressed|angry|a mannequin
  • tall|interesting|an influencer
nonoThe first three events in the Mom Decathlon
  • Kid Pickup|Dish Toss|Power Nap
  • Laundry Lunge|Supermarket Sweep|vaulting the patriarchy
  • Zoom meeting|De-stress|guilt kids into chores
nonoThe three rudest things to microwave at work
  • tin foil|tuna casserole|Iron Man
  • fish|fermented vegetables|stink meat
  • old fries|stale burritos|unpoppable-corn
nonoThree things a cowboy would say besides “Howdy”
  • y'all|go on|horse
  • spittoon|g'day|rattler
  • stampede!|cattle rustlers|i'm emotionally distant
yesnoThe names of three “long-lost” Kardashians
  • Kevin|Klayton|Paul
  • Kymberlin|Katie|Kale
  • Larry|Curly|Moe
yesnoThe three names they thought up before landing on “Dress Barn”
  • Blouse Corral|Pants Field|Skirt Silo
  • The Frill World|Pleat Street|The Skirt Locker
  • Gown Town|The Garmentarium|Attire Fire
yesnoThe three worst two-word texts you could receive
  • You up?|Miss You|I'm Dead
  • Bees here|Bees everywhere|Lost bees
  • Love you|Wait, sorry|Like you
nonoThe three most satisfying things to scream from a mountaintop
  • I'm king of the world|Yippie-Ki-Yay|I'm pregnant
  • I'm free|I love you|I lost my contact
  • Sarah!|The truth is out there|Riiiiiiicola!
nonoThree words that can describe both a person and a pair of jeans
  • skinny|relaxed|boyfriend
  • small|stiff|stone-washed
  • boot cut|high-wasted|worn-out
nonoThree things you should never stuff a taco with
  • regret|spent uranium|cilantro
  • dead bugs|live bugs|unless you like it
  • gummy bears|gummy worms|just avoid "gummy" altogether
nonoThree things they discourage you from doing in the Grand Canyon
  • yelling "poopie"|taking rocks home|filling it in with cement
  • calling it "The Great Canyon"|telling kids Santa lives here|throwing pennies in
  • calling your burro "a donkey"|acting unimpressed|acting like you don't see it
yesnoThe three things we all need to do to save planet Earth
  • eat less meat|use less gas|give up after a couple of days
  • plant more trees|let them grow|see if they have ideas
  • have a big concert|raise a lot of money|buy a new planet
nonoThree things all historians will remember the 21st century for
  • Twitter fights|hard seltzer|the robot uprising
  • Earth getting ruined|settling Mars|Mars getting ruined
  • the end of baseball|the end of hockey|the emergence of hockball
nonoThree rejected games for The Price Is Right
  • Eat the Bugs!|Wrestle Drew Carey For A TV|Spay or Neuter?
  • Skin Tag Scramble|Toilet Trials|Lick the Wheel
  • Four Hour Plinko|Snake Catch|Bench Press For $$$
yesnoThree words that are only funny to you guys, apparently
  • squeeze|flarp|toodles
  • howdy|bonjour|decorum
  • stinky|boogers|Belgium
nonoThe three lamest super powers would be...
  • garbage vision|sonic farts|partial invisibility
  • mom telekinesis|light floating|cilantro sensitivity
  • super strong toes|ability to talk to moss|super fast coupon clipper
nonoThe top three things your parents lied to you about
  • drugs|alcohol|happiness
  • how they met|how you were conceived|how much the car cost
  • their trip to New Mexico|the UFO|where you came from
noyesThe three things you demand of any lover
  • a nice smile|a good attitude|a large inheritance
  • a sense of humor|a gentle heart|a willingness to bury evidence
  • a love of art|a love of my art|a love of my clown art
noyesForget food, water and shelter. The three things you need to survive are...
  • long naps|puppy photos|no judgment
  • cheap beer|cheap meat|cheap cardiologists
  • a magic amulet|a sassy, talking zebra|a nose for adventure
nonoThree things you’ll probably never hold in your hand
  • the holy grail|no wait, that's the holy grail|I chose poorly
  • One million dollars|A dinosaur egg|The respect of my father
  • A giant diamond|A formula for endless energy|the perfect slice of pizza
nonoThree things currently in the US President’s pocket
  • a watch|keys|nuclear codes
  • a handkerchief|ten dollars|country's to-do list
  • a cough drop|seven nickels|keys to the White House
yesnoWhen you think about it, there are ONLY three emotions. They are...
  • anger|sadness|a combo of 1 and 2
  • hungry|thirsty|gassy
  • angry|apologetic|ready to get angry again
nonoThe only three things in life worth getting mad about
  • sports|taxes|slight changes to superheros
  • a Twitter fight|the government|the similarity of #1 and #2
  • cold weather|hot weather|only have weather to talk about
nonoThree things EVERYONE can agree on these days
  • roses are red|violets are blue|close your mouth when you chew
  • fire is hot|water is wet|these will be debated soon
  • nobody|agrees|anymore
nonoThe three most common things people scream while skydiving out of a plane
  • Never again!|This was a mistake!|I'm referring to my marriage!
  • Stupid gravity!|I hate air!|Birds are overrated
  • Come Fly with Me|Free Bird|All the Single Ladies
nonoThree weird fashion trends that’ll never catch on
  • pantsless pants|shirtless shirts|skorts
  • combustible hats|meat scarves|cargo shorts
  • belly button bowties|nose socks|extra sleeves
nonoThree really ineffective safe words
  • good|great|love it
  • Daniel|Day|Lewis
  • hmmmm|ok|sure
noyesThe three best birthday gifts for a very sad man
  • tissues|hankies|an imaginary friend
  • a new phone|a phone stand|a promise to call
  • a cactus|a cat|a mannequin to talk to
nonoThe three worst materials to build your house out of
  • cotton candy|gum|good wishes
  • hay|sticks|staples
  • love|hate|asbestos
nonoThree terrible names for a new cereal brand
  • Regular Flakes|No Pops|Unlucky Charms
  • Fiber Plus|Bran-tastic|Too Many Oats
  • Milk Friends|Bowl Pals|Spoon Chums
nonoThree other places to shout “I object!” besides a courtroom
  • Waiting in supermarket line|Stepdad's house|DUI test
  • In a crowded elevator|In a bully's headlock|In a non-smoking zoo
  • At the end of a bad movie|In an expensive restaurant|While getting married
yesnoThree Chevy car models recalled for being “too awesome”
  • The Rocket|The Hammer|The Overcompensater
  • The Jewel|The Diamond|The Super Camaro
  • The Good Car|The Better Car|The Best Car
yesnoThree things you’ll find at the Queen’s yard sale
  • crown|throne|perfectly good sweater
  • rugs|silverware|Scotland
  • motorcycle|ripped jeans|DJ turntables
nonoThe three things you have to do as Darth Vader’s intern
  • get coffee|clean helmet|crush the rebellion
  • dry clean cape|pick up donuts|oil mechanical parts
  • wash his spaceship|schedule appointments|repair relationship with kids
nonoThree skateboard tricks you should NEVER try
  • The Face Planter|The Knee Exploder|The Sudden Death
  • The Tooth Loosener|The Concrete Meeter|The Bone Buster
  • The Hurt Locker|The Time Traveler|The Cute Kitten
nonoThere are three types of people in the world: <BLANK>, <BLANK>, and <BLANK>
  • Single people|People in relationships|Guys that own a tarantula
  • Non-conspiracy theorists|Conspiracy theorists|Lizard people
  • winners|losers|werewolves?
nonoThe three steps to surgically removing your own appendix
  • Find your sharpest steak knife|Down a bottle of whiskey|Mutter "here goes nothing"
  • Poke around in your guts|Yank out your appendix|Realize that was your spleen
  • Read book|Chicken out|Hope it all works out
nonoThree rejected chicken nugget shapes
  • hot dogs|the Sphinx|a sad turtle
  • fruit|vegetables|a map of Middle Earth
  • big butts|little butts|any butt, really
nonoThree things a robot will need to master before they can be “human”
  • being happy|being sad|crying at random commercials
  • constantly being late|making up lame excuses|wondering why you got fired
  • driving in rush hour traffic|getting mad at another driver|letting that ruin your day
nonoThree things to put on your wall to show how manly you are
  • Beer cans|deer head|ten Reservoir Dogs posters
  • road signs|jerseys|loose protein powder
  • a weight bench|Y chromosomes|repressed emotions
nonoYeehaw! What’re three things a good rodeo dang sure oughta have?
  • cool cows|big hats|chasing clowns
  • popcorn|peanuts|meat of unknown origin
  • the smell of fried food|the smell of manure|the smell of belt buckles
yesnoThree things you’ll find in your aunt’s bathroom... RIGHT NOW
  • sea shells|painting of a boat|skull of a drowned sailor
  • toilet|toilet paper|but single ply!
  • potpourri|potpourri soap|potpourri toothpaste
nonoThree things that instantly ruin a shirt
  • chocolate|grape juice|catching on fire
  • ink|paint|probably uranium
  • drying on high|bleach|creating it in Tee K.O.
nonoThree things one billion tickets will get you at the arcade prize counter
  • nice erasers|a snap bracelet|the US Presidency
  • the stuffed tiger|the SpongBbob T-Shirt|a million finger puppets
  • a sports car|a three bedroom condo|an appendectomy
yesnoWanna win the Kentucky Derby? The best horse trainers never let their horses <BLANK>, <BLANK>, or <BLANK>
  • drink booze|eat cheeseburgers|subscribe to Netflix
  • take wide turns|start late|bet on the other horses
  • get cocky|smack talk|believe its own hype
yesnoThree odd outfit choices for a horror movie slasher to wear
  • three piece suit|ball gown|rented tuxedo
  • just jeans|just a shirt|just socks
  • cowboy hat|pirate hat|beret
nonoThree items you always see in the background of adult films
  • don't know|never seen them|I swear
  • boom mic|camera reflection|camera man's thumb
  • fake dorm room|fake classroom|fake graduation ceremony
noyesBased on your deeds, the three most likely things you’ll be reincarnated as in your next life
  • a beer fridge | reclining lounge chair | Nintendo Switch
  • a turtle|a snail|maybe a unicorn
  • a squirrel|a bat|the world's first bat-squirrel
nonoThe three gifts every dad secretly wants for Father’s Day
  • bacon|meat|bacon-wrapped meat
  • a sports hat|a sports shirt|sports in a pill
  • a #1 dad mug|a #1 dad tie|a place to cry
yesnoThe three terms the cool kids are using for constipation these days
  • butt blocks|no goes|hard times
  • anti-diarrhea|log jams|pushies
  • ouchers|strainers|eye-bulgers
nonoThree extracurricular activities at a really, really, really rich high school
  • Competitive Investing|Dressage|Art Acquisition
  • Jewel Cleaning|Money Laundering|Baseball Team Ownership
  • Butler Berating|Stock Market Watch Party|Pampering 101
yesnoThree signs that your neighbor is upset with you
  • Tall fence|angry looks|late night bagpipe practice
  • dog poop on yard|dog poop on steps|dog poop in mailbox
  • moves away|but still drives by|and says "you stink"
nonoThree things your body does when you meet the love of your life
  • heart races|breathing quickens|all hair falls out
  • sweaty palms|knees shake|can't stop screaming
  • pulse quickens|hands numb|this is a heart attack
nonoThree ways of perking yourself up when coffee isn’t enough
  • nipple clamps|butt clamps|eyeball clamps
  • rousing game of Stratego|getting kicked in the crotch|meth
  • horse steroids|shark blood|a good breakfast
noyesMy high school gym teacher taught me three things: <BLANK>, <BLANK>, and <BLANK>
  • jump|run|fake injuries
  • clear eyes|full heart|we lost sometimes
  • math|science|our school was underfunded
yesnoThe three lessons we learned today
  • eat right|get 8 hours of sleep|dumb answers win
  • wash your face|brush your teeth|hide the money in the yard
  • Callbacks|always|win
nonoThe three words that best describe your current mental state
  • Too|many|chips
  • Sad|Angry|Hungry
  • A|bit|gassy
nonoThree things you’ll find in any fanny pack
  • sunscreen|mint chewing gum|zero dignity
  • sunglasses|hard candy|a theme park map
  • lotion|more lotion|even. more. lotion.
nonoThree qualities that make a man “marriage material”
  • goes to church|has a truck|loves his mama
  • tall|dark|handserm
  • must love dogs|must love hogs|must wear clogs
nonoThe last three words you’ll say before you die
  • I|love|cheese
  • I'm|coming|Abe Lincoln
  • ew|gross|no
noyesThree reasons you ain’t getting into heaven
  • sinning|every|day
  • stole chapstick|stole a pen|murder
  • parking tickets|speeding tickets|caused climate change
noyesThree things that will happen on the best day of your life
  • ride a rollercoaster|have a baby|eat soft cheese
  • kill my enemy|dance on his grave|forgive myself
  • find cash|buy lottery ticket|get real close to winning
nonoThe three items you’ll find in the devil’s purse
  • wallet|phone|gum
  • flames|coal|cell phone
  • souls|sins|dirty mags
nonoThe three things that would concern you if they showed up in your dreams
  • a giant duck|that knows my name|and is my dad?
  • a mannequin|a talking chainsaw|a unicorn with my face
  • a werewolf|a Frankenstein|a chorus line of Draculas
nonoThree things that’ll put you right to sleep
  • warm milk|soothing music|five seconds of public radio
  • a warm bed|a fluffy pillow|a cartoon knock on the head
  • a hypnotist|a car ride|a 12 part WWII doc
nonoThe three things you see right before you die
  • someone pointing|a gigantic bird|hungry baby birds
  • an angel|Elvis|God and He's mad
  • your childhood|your adulthood|the people you disappointed
noyesThree things that’ll make you grunt
  • heavy lifting|a punch in the gut|a cheap bike seat
  • a pig impression|swallowing a quarter|passing that quarter
  • bad gas|good gas|someone else's gas
nonoThree words that could describe your family or a bowel movement
  • pushy|uptight|clingy
  • hard working|old fashioned|well-meaning
  • loosey-goosey|ill-tempered|large
nonoThree words that could describe the circus or your dad
  • intense|nightmarish|tiger-filled
  • tent-loving|peanut-scented|overpriced
  • archaic|cruel|organ-filled
nonoThree things you might yell if you’re drunk or have children
  • you don't know me|please don't hit me|did you pee?
  • where are your shoes?|why are you crying|we're leaving the zoo
  • stop kicking|free bird!|I love you
nonoThree things that when you see them, you can’t un-see them
  • surgery footage|a car wreck|those Chipmunk movies
  • a cow giving birth|colonoscopy footage|Batman vs Superman
  • a subway rat|a hundred subway rats|subway rats in a trenchcoat
nonoThe three worst things to suddenly feel on your shoulder
  • bird poop|a lizard|a pimple growing
  • a hawk|a bee sting|probably a ghost
  • a ghost hand|an angry wasp|hot breath
nonoWhen going through airport security, make sure to remove your <BLANK>, <BLANK>, and <BLANK>
  • rings|earrings|ring worms
  • shoes|hats|hand puppets
  • liquids|gels|anything in between
nonoThree easy ways to look tough
  • Flex aggressively|Scream for no reason|Wear a horn helmet
  • Crush soda cans on your head|Get some cool scars|tattoo that says "Very Tough"
  • Ride a motorcycle|Ride a bear|Ride a bear on a motorcycle
nonoFollow these three survival tips if you’re lost in the wild
  • Panic|Run around the woods screaming|Cry like a baby
  • Find a pack of wolves|Defeat the alpha wolf|You are the wolf king now
  • Start a fire|Boil water|Open small coffee shop
nonoThree names a kid can call their grandpa other than “grandpa”
  • peepoo|dad's dad|the oldster
  • grampgramp|pawpamp|mega dad
  • silly man|candy giver|gray skull
nonoMy mom won’t call it a “butt.” She calls it <BLANK>, <BLANK>, or <BLANK>
  • bumper|caboose|ham sandwich
  • rear end|back end|tragic ending
  • beauty|perfection|the holy grail
nonoThe three things in your “happy place”
  • unlimited pizza|unlimited chicken wings|unlimited antacid
  • football pre-game shows|football|football post-game shows
  • nothing|but|ice cream
nonoThree things the world will be dealing with next year that nobody would predict
  • bird attack|alien invasion|return of Gangnam Style
  • goose storms|cheese lightning|global humming
  • toot disease|intelligent hamsters|pudding rain
nonoThree weird things to make out of wood
  • socks|a hat|boxer briefs
  • false teeth|a false chin|a false head
  • a laptop|a family sedan|memory foam mattress
nonoIt’s not your WORST nightmare until there’s <BLANK>, <BLANK>, and finally <BLANK>
  • a clown|a hatchet|an abandoned hotel
  • gym class|a ceiling rope|hundreds of people waiting
  • an ostrich|my stepdad|a get-rich-quick scheme
nonoThree new terms for the word “orgasm”
  • blast off|bingo|wowza
  • jackpot|the bounce house|prime time
  • touchdown|home run|hat trick?
noyesThe three signs that you might be pure evil are...
  • you hate kids|you hate dogs|you like smooth jazz
  • holy water stings|crosses sting|brimstone is fine though
  • you levitate|misery gives you strength|you're always on fire
nonoThree things you’d change about Superman to make him more relatable
  • no powers|no job|wait, that's me
  • give him a new costume|like a bat|but like, a rich bat
  • has student loans|has a dead end job|loves hard seltzers
nonoThree secrets this group, you, right here, are hiding from each other
  • we're allergic to nuts|we're allergic to cheese|we're allergic to each other
  • nothing|we're open books|except im an undercover spy
  • we're actually bears|in people clothes|roar
noyesThree job titles that sound too good to be true
  • cookie tester|president of napping|money spender
  • vice-president of snoozing|mayor of cake town|CEO of cheese
  • Video game tester|Exercise avoider|Roller coaster pilot
nonoWhat is the world’s saddest three-word story?
  • Out|Of|Guac
  • Pooped|My|Pants
nonoThe three hottest trends of the summer will be <BLANK>, <BLANK>, and <BLANK>
  • being outdoors|growing long hair|becoming a sasquatch
  • missing spring|missing autumn|not missing winter
  • buying telescopes|forgetting abt telescopes|selling telescopes
nonoThe three most important rules of your own private tickle club
  • no pictures|no fake laughs|no real names
  • must participate|must laugh|must be ticklish
  • no shirt|no shoes|that's it
nonoThe three things you better not bring to a knife fight, chump
  • a spoon|a sword|bad attitude
  • a weak stomach|a dull knife|hemophilia
  • a gun|unless it shoots knives|no that's still illegal
nonoThe three things your dating profile pic better have if you want some lovin’
  • a tiger|a mullet|a Netflix deal
  • a fancy car|a gold chain|lack of humility
  • an eagle on my shoulder|an explosion behind me|a permit to do these things
nonoThe original first three words of the Bible
  • Whoa!|Total|darkness
  • What|to|do?
  • Start|this|party!
nonoThe three words that should never appear in the same sentence
  • pass|the|spleen
  • charity|compassion|xenomorph
  • shave|me|grandma
nonoThe three most surprising things hidden under sofa cushions
  • missing pants|human soul|chicken sandwich
  • your last sofa | coins hidden in second sofa | sandwich
  • a mobster|a dead body|cash to forget what you saw
nonoThe three steps to a perfect surgery
  • cut|copy|paste
  • greet the body|slice the body|heal the body
  • chug a Red Bull|watch an ER rerun|just feel it
nonoAccording to old people, the only three things young people do these days
  • Facebook|Instagram|invent new ways to disrespect
nonoThe three steps to having a successful makeout session
  • put on chill music|be emotionally available|try to have fun
  • lock eyes across room|heavily flirt|leave family reunion
  • light a bunch of candles|realize it's creepy|just get tipsy and smooch
noyesThe three things you must do on your wedding day
  • have fun|take some time together|avoid any witch's curses
  • argue over price of open bar|dance|get Aunt Cindy a ride home
  • slice cake|smash into each others' faces|hold grudge for years
nonoYou know you’ve gotten the wrong shampoo bottle when the three-step directions are <BLANK>, <BLANK>, <BLANK>
  • rinse|lather|kill a whale
  • rinse|lather|smite your enemies
  • rinse|lather|if u value ur life dont repeat
nonoThe three things you should avoid eating to live ten years longer
  • poison|uranium|oddly enough, toast
  • your words|your feelings|but mostly your feelings
  • glass|metal|anything "chicken fried"
nonoThe three lies you tell yourself are...
  • the toilet isn't leaking|i'll fix it tomorrow|there isn't sewage everywhere
  • i don't like the Golden Girls|i didn't order a gray wig|u don't "have" to call me Sophia
  • i look good in bangs|i can trim my own bangs|i love my shaved head
nonoThe three things you need to be good at to truly get ahead in life
  • lying|cheating|combo of lying and cheating
  • being born rich|acting like you work hard|that's it
  • being good|being honest|realizing that's for suckers
nonoThe three steps to having a perfect little morning
  • wake up|figure out where you are|rob the place
  • make some coffee|eat some cereal|go back to bed
  • struggle with vampire|pull back curtain|reveal sunrise
nonoKids are made of things like “sugar, spice, and everything nice.” What are adults made of?
  • regret|anger|stuffed crust pizza
  • debt|more debt|get rich quick schemes
  • retirement funds|lawn care knowledge|Facebook opinions
nonoThree things you really don’t want your doctor to say during an exam
  • ew|what's that thing?|oh god it bit me
  • terrible bones|your blood sucks|worst. organs. ever.
  • wait|hold on|wrong room
nonoThree things you always forget when you leave the house
  • keys|wallet|pants
  • sword|shield|map to dragon's lair
  • phone|hat|sense of direction
nonoThree things that are better when they’re fast
  • planes|trains|root canals
  • racecars|jet planes|chest waxings
  • school recitals|haircuts|racehorses
nonoThree things you can say to immediately get everyone’s attention
  • fire|free tacos|the free tacos are on fire
  • I|Pooped|My Pants
  • Nobody Panic|It's Okay|But There's a Loose Cobra
nonoThe three signs that you are now... an adult
  • hair falls out|hair grows elsewhere|always saying "huh"
  • start talking about lawns|start talking about taxes|discover public radio
  • eat more fiber|in bed by 10|suddenly understand escrow
nonoIf a picture is worth a thousand words, what three words did your last selfie say?
  • what's|that|stain
  • sadness|depression|taco bell
  • I|need|attention
nonoThe three stages of life are simply...
  • birth|death|come back as a rhino
  • birth|growing/losing hair|death
  • pre-high school|high school|missing high school
nonoThe top three ailments diagnosed by old-timey doctors
  • bee brains|adventurer's elbow|monster toes
  • coal tongue|death poops|evil hair
  • wandering ear|excited spleen|haunted stomach
nonoThree terrifying things to stumble across in the woods
  • a bear|a ghost|your past regrets
  • a UFO|a vampire|your credit card debt
  • a grizzled loner|but he wants to hang out|and talk fantasy baseball
nonoSay three nice things about <ANYPLAYER>
  • I can't|I'm not|actually here
  • nice person|i don't have specific examples|but I assume so
  • playing Quiplash 3|not winning|but didn't give up
nonoThree signs you’ve checked into a really bad rental house
  • no toaster|no blender|no roof
  • no air conditioning|no furniture|p sure it's a gas station
  • carpet smells|photographers everywhere|chalk outline still visible
nonoThree signs that you’re slowly becoming your parents
  • clip coupons|wake up early|show love through food
  • become passive aggressive|even to dogs|and babies
  • eat at buffets|yell at the news|eat a lot of bran
nonoThree words that will instantly drive you to irrational anger
  • pumpkin|spice|anything
  • overhead|bins|full
  • heard|my|podcast?
nonoThree weird things to hear a ghost moan in the middle of the night
  • Chili's|baby back ribs|barbecue sauce
  • who|wants|margaritas
  • am i dead?|where's the TV remote?|we're outta peanut butter
nonoThe three best things the internet hath given to us
  • puppy videos|instant news|angry uncles
  • stock tips|online banking|bankruptcy guidance
  • constant news|constant opinions|constant stress
nonoThe three most ineffective things to write in the sand to signal a rescue plane
  • Doing|Fine|Thanks
  • Get|Outta|Here
  • Need Tickets To Lolla|Ask Me About My Honor Student|Keep having a good day
nonoThree Zoom backgrounds nobody’s asking for
  • a sausage factory|toe surgery|an ant farm
  • a rerun of Matlock|budget debates|forklift accidents
  • a staring clown|a ball of leeches|a closeup of dandruff
nonoThree things you should never get wet
  • smart watch|smart phone|smart people
  • sugar|salt|a combination of the two
  • my hair|no, seriously|I finally got it how I want
nonoLet’s be positive! Name three things you’re looking forward to!
  • Quiplash 4|Quiplash 5|Quiplash: The Roller Coaster
  • a beach vacation|a margarita|getting sand out of my socks
  • the next superhero movie|unless it's dumb|it'll probably be dumb
nonoThree signs you live next door to a mob boss
  • bullets all over lawn|constant whacking sounds|makes offers you can't refuse
  • constantly paying you off|trash can full of subpoenas|has "Mob Boss" pajamas
  • spends fortune in rolled up rugs|always digging holes|wipes brow with $100 bills
noyesThree of Einstein’s less impressive discoveries
  • the dishwasher heavy cycle|a missing sock|a very sexy planet
  • strawberry milk|chocolate milk|banana milk
  • several magic tricks|the theory of smellativity|Mumford and Sons
nonoThree things that are the REAL treasures we found along the way
  • friendship|family|a big big ruby
  • working organs|good credit|nice in-laws
  • self-esteem|good posture|callback jokes
nonoGet positive! What are three GOOD things about being dead?
  • no more rent|no more small talk|quiet neighbors
  • free dirt|hang with ghosts|no more talking to the living
  • no|social|media
noyesThe three things you need to start that new society of yours
  • butcher|baker|candlestick reseller
  • Tom Hanks|Tom Hanks' son|Guy Fieri
  • money|some property|UN recognition
nonoThree neutral things to write in a birthday card for a coworker you don’t know that well
  • You were born|general congratulations|many wishes
  • This is a card|good job|nice desk
  • Happy|Birthday|Ron?
nonoSummarize your last romantic encounter in three words
  • rollercoaster|safety|needed
  • Asleep|by|nine
noyesThree things you can wear to a business meeting to show you deserve respect
  • a power tie|a fedora|brass knuckles
  • cool glasses|a big mustache|a cowboy hat
  • a bunch of rings|a magic amulet|nice shoes
nonoThree things Mars needs before we can live there
  • more oxygen|more water|more taco trucks
  • agriculture|entertainment|a mini Las Vegas
  • swimming pools|lazy rivers|any water features, really
nonoHonestly, the three greatest achievements of mankind have been...
  • geometry|poetry|calzones
  • fat free milk|video chatting|the Grand Canyon?
  • electricity|philosophy|drive-thrus
nonoThree pieces of advice you’d give your younger self
  • eat more veggies|but not deep fried|okay, some deep fried
  • save your money|save your photos|don't save toenails
  • travel more|eat more|write a predictable book
nonoLet’s get to know each other! Describe yourself in three words!
  • cool|suave|delusional
  • hungry|sleepy|repeat
  • happy|beyond|belief
nonoThree things you shouldn’t do when you’re angry
  • operate a chainsaw|make balloon animals|brain surgery
  • officiate a wedding|teach toddlers|get angrier
  • try on underwear|shave your legs|talk to the public
nonoThree words you don’t want to hear someone use to describe your genitals
  • rough|and|ready
  • fixer-upper|teardown|sewage problems
noyesThree things you’d put in a trap as bait for Ben Affleck
  • cigarettes|Red Sox tickets|bad decisions
  • Dunkin' Donuts coffee|Dunkin' Donuts donuts|the CEO of Dunkin' Donuts
yesnoThree things you want to touch RIGHT NOW
  • hearts|minds|a turtle
  • slime|gak|combo slime-gak
  • a $10 bill|a $100 bill|honestly, just a living wage
nonoThree unrealistic goals to set for yourself this year
  • lose weight|eat healthy|teach a dog to juggle
  • learn nine languages|write an opera|get more sleep
  • read a novel|write a novel|eat a novel
nonoThree secret off-menu items you can order at McDonald’s
  • Chicken Cubes|1,000 Pounder|Large drink of ketchup
  • Fried iceberg lettuce|bag of stale buns|Sushi
  • ribeye steak|baked potato|a glass of scotch
nonoThree words that could describe both a kiss and a sandwich
  • sloppy|messy|unsanitary
  • sensual|erotic|beefy
  • a little dry|full of tongue|open-faced
noyesThree simple truths about humanity
  • we stink|we drink|we like dogs
  • we're trying our best|our best isn't good enough|we're doomed
  • we live|we love|we're mean on Twitter
nonoThe three things standing between you and becoming president
  • intelligence|charisma|good looks
  • my mother|my father|my dastardly son Guavus
  • money|connections|all those crimes I did
yesnoThe three perks to living on a pirate ship
  • free food|free jewelry|access to cannons
  • salt air|salt water|salt, in general
  • free parrot|free cannonballs|occasional curses
nonoThree nicknames you’d like to have
  • Thunder Keg|Blast Zone|Cinnamon Roll
  • The Juggler|The Stinker|The Joker
  • Mustang|Camaro|Hyundai Sonata
nonoThree frustrating requests a website captcha can make to prove you’re not a robot
  • find all buses|find all crosswalks|find the meaning of life
  • find all cars|find all lampposts|find true love
  • read the letters|read the numbers|read The Lightning Thief
nonoThree signs you’re falling in love
  • sweaty palms|light fever|constant vomiting
  • writing poetry more|like a lot of poetry|and you use a big feather pen
  • you bathe more|you cut your toenails now|you stop skulking on rooftops
nonoThree things you would say to a wolf disguised as your grandma
  • what big paws you have|are you howling?|what happened on the rug?
  • what big eyes you have|what big ears you have|is that a deer carcass?
  • what big eyes you have|what big ears you have|what big fleas you have
nonoThree things you really thought we would have invented by now
  • robot doctors|personal jetpacks|automatic toilet paper
  • sausage trees|hamburger bushes|better cholesterol medicine
  • robots that cook|robots that clean|robots who don't judge me
nonoThree things a good parent packs in their kid’s backpack
  • a banana|a pen|a trust fund
  • a pudding cup|a nice note|keys to a robot
  • a comic book|some crayons|deed to the family vineyard
nonoThe three things you MUST consider when buying a wedding ring
  • is it too expensive|is it too cheap|how can I steal it?
  • is it the right one|are they the right one|will this unite the kingdom
  • does it fit|does it glow green|will it give them superpowers
nonoThe three worst materials the Three Little Pigs could’ve built their houses out of
  • paper|leaves|bacon
  • plastic bags|uranium|pretend bricks
  • paper mache|pudding|love
nonoThree distracting things to yell as someone tries to hit a golf ball
  • miss it!|love you!|alley oop!
  • free coffee!|I'm your son!|ah, dragon!
  • kissie, kissie!|ah, robots!|why don't you love me?!
nonoThree ways to beat the heat this summer
  • stuff your pants with ice|move to Alaska|marry an ice cream millionaire
  • keep saying it's a dry heat|think cool thoughts|just give up and melt
  • take off clothes|go outside|enjoy air conditioned jail
nonoThe three things space aliens are thinking as they observe us from afar
  • they sure like pollution|they spend a lot on clothes|I miss MTV's Road Rules
  • they sure get mad a lot|especially about traffic|and everything, really
  • they aren't too smart|they're very impulsive|why aren't dogs in charge?
nonoThree things on your to-do list if you could spend the day with Albert Einstein
  • go fishing|play chess|have him build you a spaceship
  • talk about life|talk about the cosmos|get some sweet Insta photos
nonoThree things you can only do in Florida
  • visit the Everglades|visit EPCOT|fight a giant mosquito
  • see a manatee|swim with a manatee|discover you hate manatees
nonoMake three bold predictions that are sure to come true in the next year
  • dogs will talk|cats will fly|hamsters unchanged
  • sky will turn red|oceans will boil|we get a Cheers reboot
  • cars will fly|planes will drive|submarines in space
nonoThree things that happened at the Monster Mash that they couldn’t sing about
  • Frankenstein pooped his pants|Wolfman stole some change|Dracula broke his ankle
  • The Mummy clogged the toilet|Dracula got mono|They ran out pigs in a blanket
  • It was more a bash than a mash|It was at the YMCA|They were all very polite
yesnoThree questions you MUST ask the owner before buying a house
  • how haunted is it?|where's the best place to cry|will they visit?
  • what's that smell?|is it Godzilla-proof?|did they film Parent Trap here?
  • is that original crown molding?|is it a good school district?|can i buy just half?
nonoThe three questions you must ask yourself before starting a podcast
  • are people interested?|am i interesting?|am I gonna do it anyways?
  • should it be funny?|should it be scary?|should it ramble on for hours?
nonoThe three most common injuries suffered by Santa Claus
  • chimney butt|reindeer lung|mistletoe hives
  • bird attacks|zapped by lightning|ungrateful kid bites
nonoThe three things you think the first time you get punched in the face
  • ow!|that hurt|why did I fight a kangaroo?
  • so this| is|kickboxing
  • that hurt|that really hurt|maybe I shouldn't be Batman
nonoThree things that are considered bad etiquette at the gym
  • not wiping machines|using equipment too long|licking the dumbbells
  • throwing down weights|taking too long in shower|making a fort from used towels
nonoThree weird things for a bodybuilder to yell as they do some heavy squats
  • Mustard!|Ketchup!|Relish!
  • My Basement is Leaking!|Need A Repair Company!|Any recommendations?!
  • This|Gym|Is Haunted!
nonoThree warnings they need to put on the side of beer cans
  • may cause headaches|may cause inflated self-worth|may cause rambling conversations
  • may cause hangovers|may cause impulse purchases|may cause late night ex texts
noyesYour three-step plan for defeating King Kong
  • climb Empire State Building|find out why he's mad|hug it out
  • dress like a sexy ape|get engaged|leave him altar, devastated
nonoThree signs you’re becoming boring
  • your parties are at 8AM|and you serve 2% milk|everyone out by 9
  • you buy a house|get really into your lawn|start a lawncare podcast
nonoThree weird times to just start yelling “Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!”
  • during your wedding vows|at a class recital|after a big race
  • while petting a cat|while eating a taco|while hosting NPR
  • when grocery shopping|when making a bed|any time not in a car
nonoYour three-step plan for creating a Frankenstein-style monster
  • zap him with lightning|give him a sportcoat|and neck bolts?
  • find a big guy|bring him back to life|hope you become pals
nonoThe top three things overheard at nude workplaces
  • you can't borrow my chair|turn up the heat|how did you steal a stapler?
  • we wore the same thing!|is it casual Friday|where's the disinfectant?
noyesYour three-step plan for escaping prison that’s bound to fail
  • get a spoon|dig a tunnel|to that nicer prison next door
  • collect all the yarn you can|knit an airplane|fly to Hawaii
  • say "I love it here"|until they believe you|they let you go as punishment
nonoThree ways to stop yourself from crying at a Pixar movie
  • think of something awful|like my life|now i'm bummed
  • think happy thoughts|think happier thoughts|give up and weep
  • take frequent breaks|don't get invested|be dead inside
nonoThe three act story of your life, so far
  • I was born|I went to college|it was expensive
  • I was a happy kid|a less happy teenager|then I fought a werewolf
  • I grew up in a small town|met the love of my life|got a dog last week
nonoWhoa! Scientists just discovered these three surprising facts about pandas!
  • They can fly|They die in sunlight|Nope, that's vampires
  • They're too adorable|They hate bamboo|They're made of marshmallow
  • They're not bears|They're not cats|They're actually big skunks
nonoThe three actions that’ll get you banned from The Land of Oz
  • stealing yellow bricks|breeding flying monkeys|phone scams
  • stealing the tin man's axe|calling the scarecrow names|downloading movies
nonoThree crappy excuses for not getting a kid the bike they wanted for their birthday
  • they were out|bikes are too dangerous|it's not your birthday
  • bikes were outlawed today|the dog ate it|bikes don't really exist
  • the store was closed|I gave you one, didn't I?|I thought you said pike
nonoThree words that will get you out of any speeding ticket
  • I|Am|Batman
  • Here's|Some|Gold
  • Jedi|Mind|Trick!
yesno
Quiplash (series)/List of Prompts (2024)
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